The Attached Mother

You’ve probably noticed that my posting has become more sporadic and less inspired. I’ve noticed it too. I wish I could say that I’m going to make an effort to blog better, but the truth is that isn’t going to happen.

The reality is that I’m feeling burnt out and stretched thin. I’ve found myself with too many obligations and not enough time to cover them all and still be a mom. I need some breathing room. Which is why I am stepping down as the writer here at The Attached Mother While I have loved writing here and meeting so many amazing home schooling families, it’s just time for me to move on and hand the reins over to someone else.

Of course this doesn’t have to be a complete goodbye. You all are more than welcome to check in on me at my personal blog, Wired For Noise. In fact I would be honored if any one of you stopped by from time to time. Heck, stop by there today and enter the contest I am hosting this week.

Thank you all for the wonderful time I spent blogging here.

Summer

If you haven’t checked it out yet Eco Child’s Play did a great series of posts called Labor of Love, each of them written by moms on the births of their children. You have to stop by and read each of the posts, they are wonderful each in their own way.

What really caught my eye was this post 3 Essential Books to Read When Planning a Natural Birth. The three books listed are great, definitely worthwhile reads. However, as much as I love Ina May Gaskin I know that some people find her too hippy-dippy for their taste. I’ve also heard some of the more “hardcore” birthers say she was too intervention friendly. When you hear complaints like that you know you are friends with the truly natural birthers.

I thought I would share my own list of must read books. Mine is different as it comes from the perspective of someone who both enjoyed two natural births and who is a trained doula. To me these are great books for understanding as well as preparing for a natural birth. Whether at home, in a birthing center, or in a hospital these are the books I would say every mom should read.

• The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth - A great book for making sense of the various medical interventions and recommendations. It may be a little too medical for some, but the information provided is great.
• Gentle Birth Choices - This professional and friendly book is full of resources and research, a definite must read for understanding birth.
• Active Birth : The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally, Revised Edition Explains the process and birth and offers a lot of great advice on how to manage it through positions and breathing.
• She Births: A Modern Woman’s Guidebook for an Ancient Rite of Passage - A very pro-woman birth book. A great read for feeling empowered during and by birth.
• Mothering Magazine’s Having a Baby, Naturally: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth - Fans of Mothering Magazine will love this book put together by the editor, Peggy O’Mara. A great resource of information and ideas for giving birth naturally.
• Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care - I think knowing the why is just as important as knowing the how, and this book explains why birth is the way it is in America.
• Birth as an American Rite of Passage - A good look at the medical industry of childbirth. If you plan to try a natural birth in a hospital this is a straight look at how the birthing culture evolved there.

I’m sure there are many more books that others would recommend. Books such as Birthing from Within, HypnoBirthing, and Husband-Coached Childbirth : The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth are books that cover specific styles of giving birth so they might not be for everyone but are still worth mentioning.

What books would you suggest for moms thinking about or planning for a natural birth?

childbirth, birth, natural birth, books

Nestle isn’t exactly a well loved company by many people who are concerned with breastfeeding or infant nutrition. They have a pretty nasty reputation, so far in that a Nestle boycott has been held by many people. So it makes me a bit proud to see some professionals standing up to Nestle as they once again try to hurt breastfeeding women in the name of profits. Using their usual tactics, wine and dine hospitals and their staff to get prominent placement and product pushing, they elbow past any information or support breastfeeding women might have gotten. Instead cans of formula, bottles, products with their name plastered all over it, and pamphlets telling women exactly how to wean and switch to formula are passed out like candy on Halloween.

Two breastfeeding experts have resigned from Burnaby General Hospital over a dispute involving infant formula giant Nestlé.

Renee Hefti-Graham and Linda Good both quit last week.

The issue began with an invitation circulated through the hospital’s e-mail system to a Nestlé-sponsored “wine-and-dine” event to be held June 12.

Both women were adamantly opposed to the event.

And it was criticized by Health Minister George Abbott and the hospital’s executive director, Arden Krystal, as a violation of a World Health Organization code that deals with the marketing of breastmilk substitutes.

The code states “no financial or material inducements” may be provided by formula companies to promote their products to health workers.

Nestlé cancelled the event following news of the controversy.

The WHO code is not enforced in America, mostly because the high profit formula companies have strong enough ties with the lawmakers who would be in charge of actually enforcing it. It’s nice to see that in Canada some people can actually get the giant Nestle to step back. Sadly it means that women now birthing in the Burnaby General hospital have lost what might have been their greatest breastfeeding support.

The hospital says that they are training the nurses in infant feeding. I hope that they will be teaching them how to support breastfeeding moms rather than push formula on them over every little thing. Perhaps the hospital will ask Renee Hefti-Graham and Linda Good to come back. With all of the news this story has been generating perhaps Nestle will think before aggressively taking over a hospital.

Sadly, I doubt it.

Nestle, breastfeeding

The eternal co-sleeping debate. Does it ever end? This time I was sent a link to an article written by Dr. Cara Natterson with her thoughts on co-sleeping. It’s a fairly typical article, about exactly what you would expect from a pediatrician. I can’t fault her for toeing the party line, after all it is part of her job.

She lists three reason why the AAP feels that co-sleeping is dangerous,  gives a nod to the parents who disagree, and throws in the “if you child is sick” exemption plan. Nothing really worth mentioning. In fact I only bring it up because a friend sent me an email last night asking my opinion on the article and on another story. It’s the second story that deserves the attention.

The story comes out of Columbus, Ohio where 4 separate cases of infants dying occurred.  On the outside that doesn’t seem so odd. From SIDS, respiratory infections, accidental suffocations, to undetected physical problems many more than four babies die each day. Probably all in the same area also. However what set these four cases apart is that each child was sleeping with an adult at the time of death. This has, of course, lead to warnings of the dangers of co-sleeping being tossed around. Of course we don’t know exactly how these babies died yet, but the simple fact that all four so happened to be with adults sleeping leaves some pointing to co-sleeping as the obvious cause.

And yet if four babies in the same county all died and they were all in cribs I somehow doubt there would be much public outcry on the dangers of leaving infants alone in cribs.

Of course the coroner states that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS, despite studies showing quite the opposite.  Scare tactics are still great ways to sheep people into doing what you want them to do. Tell parents it will kill their children, even if there is no proof that it will or research that it might be safer, and the natural instinct to protect one’s children will kick in. If only parents were presented with facts instead of fears.

co-sleeping, cosleeping

I came across an article here about breastfeeding in the UK. Apparently there is a law being passed through the Parliament in the UK to protect breastfeeding mother’s rights for up to 1 year. However now the government is trying to take that down to only 6 months. The entire thing is a tricky read, but interesting nonetheless.

The writer says that in Scotland mothers are protected for up to 2 years. As soon as I read that my heart skipped a beat. I could not imagine breastfeeding in public with my own now 2 year old. When he was younger I had no problem with it, however now I can only imagine how people would respond. I envision someone flipping open their cell phone to report me for child abuse. So the idea that a country would create a law to protect a mother’s right to breastfeed her child for two years just makes me swoon.

In the US there is a Federal Law protecting a woman’s right to breastfeed in public on Federal property, however the law does not establish a upper limit for age. Each state has also created their own laws for breastfeeding in public and how to protect that. The sad thing is that they need the laws at all, that we can’t just accept that mothers will feed their babies and that often happens outside the home. Like outside of a courtroom for example.
Toronto, Canada is also working on a public breastfeeding initiative. it’s something that has me pretty excited. Imagine, an entire city proudly promoting breastfeeding moms who dare to leave the house.  It’s a beautiful thing.

The initiative, called “Breastfeeding Friendly. Anytime. Anywhere.” will encourage the 6,100 restaurants throughout the city to post decals in their windows and register online to let mothers know that breastfeeding inside is not only accepted but encouraged.

breastfeeding, lactation

In a 5-2 decision the Missouri Supreme Court upheld a midwifery provision and became the 38th state to allow midwives. You could almost hear the sigh of relief that spread across the state as this ruling was handed down. Though the physicians’ associations were, obviously, up in arms over the decision women were ecstatic to have one more freedom of choice handed to them.Before this ruling many women were having to seek other ways to get the care that they wanted during pregnancy.

During my second pregnancy I drove nearly an hour to the nearest midwife. There I met a woman who had driven over 8 hours from Missouri just so that she could get the care that she wanted. As I read about this decision my mind immediately went to her. I wondered how she did during labor, if she found a midwife closer who as able to illegally deliver her child, if she had to ride in the car for those long hours to get here, or if she stayed in a hotel near the midwife during those last few weeks.

There is an article at Babble from a woman in Missouri who had an illegal home birth. Because midwifery was illegal she had to find a way to receive her and her child’s care without being caught. It’s a great anecdotal story to remind you that even though something may be illegal that certainly does not mean are not making a choice to do it. A warning though, do not read the comments to the article unless you have blood pressure medicine handy. All of the tossing around words like “risk” and “irresponsible” and “death” is enough to cause a headache.

Missouri, midwifery, midwife, home birth

You might have heard about a new show that NBC is working on called The Baby Borrowers. Think Wife Swap, but with infants. The Baby Borrowers premiers this Wednesday the 25th at 9/8c. I for one will not be watching, but my heart will be breaking for the young infants left to cry with strangers for days, unable to understand why their parents have abandoned them. Though the show’s producers claim that the parents will simply be next door and able to step in as needed, their children are not old enough to grasp this at all. As you might have guessed there are many people, myself included, who think this is a horrible idea. Taking an infant from their parents, the people he or she has created a deep bond with, and just handing them over to a total stranger. This is a good idea?

Luckily there are people speaking up on behalf of the children, the ones being tossed off for ratings. Jan hunt of the Natural Child Project has issued an open letter to NBC and is encouraging others to join her as well. She explains the psychological damage a show of this nature could cause on children too young to grasp what is happening. While the parents might be able to understand that this is only for a short time the children certainly will not.

Jan is not the only one speaking up. Attachment Parenting International has called for a cancellation of the show and has asked others to urge NBC to stop this as well.

The Baby Borrowers

Sibling rivalry. It can be the bane of attachment parenting. Just when you think you have this gentle parenting thing down with one kid here comes another and the dynamic is completely changed. Suddenly they are fussing with each other, picking on each other, and doing all the things you were certain your kids would never do.

Trust me, I’ve been there. Been there? Try still there daily.

There are some things that you can do to ease the fighting and feuding of sibling rivalry. Set guidelines of what actions are acceptable and what ones are not. Give them room to express themselves in a space where they are not hurting the other. And be sure to let each one know that you love them individually, that they do not have to fight to compete for parental love or attention. Of course how you put those ideas to work in your day to day life will be up to you.

If you have a preschooler who is struggling with a sibling I have an article here on Preschoolers and Sibling Rivalry. In it I talk about a book that is a must read for families dealing with sibling rivalry no matter what age their kids are, Siblings Without Rivalry. I cannot say enough about how much this book has helped with me understand and deal with the fighting. Being an only child sibling rivalry completely threw me off, but the suggestions have worked beautifully for calming things down.

What are some of the tricks you use to deal with your kids fighting? Do you have any magic bullet that works to defuse the tension and relax everyone? If so do share! Good tips and advice are always welcome.

fighting, sibling rivalry, parenting

There can be a very fine line between discipline and abuse, a line that is crossed when spanking comes into play. Hitting, no matter what, should be considered child abuse. It is the act of an adult taking out their frustrations on someone much smaller, weaker, and emotionally unprepared. Even in the best circumstances it can be damaging to the child.

In Canada an anti-spanking bill has been passed by the Senate and is heading to the House of Commons. The bill is an attempt to remove a section of Canada’s criminal code that allows parents and caregivers to use “reasonable force” against their children. The problem is what exactly is reasonable force? Here ins the states a court ruled that it was reasonable parental disciple when a mother beat her son with an extension cord and left bruises. Clearly there is not one size fits all definition of what is reasonable and what is criminal.

There is an interesting article here discussing the anti-spanking bill and the differences between using force to hurt a child or to stop them from hurting themselves. For me the difference is between grabbing my child’s arm and pulling because they are touching something of mine or because they are running out into the street.

Corporal punishment is the use of physical force with the intention of causing a child to experience pain but not injury for the purposes of correction or control of the child’s behaviour.

The line between acceptable corporal punishment and dangerous physical abuse is usually drawn in the sand on a blustery day; there are no guidelines. Physical abuse is the infliction of physical injury through punching, kicking, beating, biting, burning, shaking or otherwise harming a child.

Whether a parent or caregiver did not intend to cause harm doesn’t make it more acceptable. In the end, it’s about one person asserting power over another and there’s nothing healthy in that dynamic.

There is another quote that I absolutely love, one that I wish more parents would think of when disciplining their children.

While immediate compliance is often what we’re after when we discipline, parents need to promote children’s ability to control their behaviour using internal controls because these are skills that are more important to long-term socialization.

We want children to behave well not because they don’t want to get hit, an external motivator, but because they have internalized socially appropriate ways of behaving. Knowing what the right way to behave is on the inside is enhanced by parental discipline strategies that use minimal parental power, promote choice and autonomy, and provide explanations for desirable behaviours.

In the end parents need to look honestly and completely at what they are doing when they choose to spank. What are they teaching their children about right and wrong? What are they teaching their children about power over and physical violence? And what are the long term possibilities.

spanking, abuse, Canada, anti-spanking bill

I can’t help but feel a little odd that right after I wrote about unassisted childbirth the AMA came out against all kids of home birth.

I have a roundup of what others have been saying about this here. Go ahead and click over to find what others are saying about the AMA’s decision to walk all over women’s choices and bodies. Hathor is taking this on as well in her usual style, with a series of witty and pointed comics.

homebirth, home birth, AMA, childbirth

Have you ever considered giving birth unassisted? Without doctors, nurses, midwives, or anyone else. Just you, your partner, and your baby. I know that for some women that sounds like a nightmare, but a small percentage are choosing to give birth without anyone else around.

Over at Natural Moms Talk Radio there is a great interview with Lynn Griesemer, mom of 6 and author of Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love. The interview is a podcast so check it out when you have time to listen in peace. I know trying to catch something with kids around can be a test in multitasking skills.

There are a lot of reasons why some women choose to go unassisted. Some have religious beliefs, some feel that doctors and midwives inhibit their body’s ability to work, some just work best alone. The number of reasons why is as long as the number of women choosing this. One thing that they all have in common though is intelligence and a desire to do what is best for their children.

My second son was a planned unassisted birth. Though the plans were changed at the last minute I spent plenty of time talking to other women who had went unassisted before or were planning it themselves. We shared information, conversation, and a sense of community in knowing that we were stepping outside the lines together. These women were passionate and dedicated in understanding their bodies and the bodies of their children, in learning what they needed to know to make birth happen as safely and calmly as possible.

If you are interested in learning more I would suggest visiting the Unassisted Childbirth forum at Mothering.com. There you can talk to mothers in all stages about their own experiences, gain knowledge, and maybe understand a little better about why someone would choose to go unassisted. You should also check out Unhindered Living, Pure Birth Australia, Born Free, and Empowered Childbirth.

childbirth, birth, free birth, unassisted birth, unassisted childbirth

This post is for the Carnival of Breastfeeding. Welcome readers!

When my oldest was born my milk was a plenty. In those first few, hazy days we were not yet sure if I would return to work or not. So just in case we got an electric pump. It was bad! It was a cheap model from some brand I had never heard of, and used. At the time it was the best we could afford so I made due.

Luckily, my breasts seemed to love that cheap, loud, almost painful pump. Each day I hooked myself up to the thing, feeling like a cow at the dairy farm, and worked towards a stash of milk that I hoped would keep my son nourished should I return to work. Just as my maternity leave pay was ending we made the decision that I would stay home instead.

I cannot explain the sadness of seeing those bags and bags of precious milk going to waste. A few were used now and then when we went on trips out, before I was confident enough to breastfeed in public, and a few others on those rare dates without the baby. But for the most part I was only counting down the days on the bags, watching all that work go to nothing. It was by total chance that I read online about a woman who had had multiple infants and was unable to nurse them all. The article talked briefly about her trying to buy milk from a milk bank, but the costs were high and the supply was low. It was like a light switched on in my head.

The next week I had faxed in forms and was eagerly awaiting my blood test results. Though I could not donate the bags of milk I already had I could put my breasts to good use for babies I would never see.

I was fortunate to have a good supply already established. I could nurse my own son and still pump 5 - 8 ounces per feeding. It was an amazing feeling to know that I was helping other mothers and children each time. Somehow it made the pain of pumping lessen. Though I was only able to donate milk for a short while before time and other issues became a problem, that short time was amazing. I still keep on my fridge a magnet for the National Milk Bank to remember the time when I could give to more than just my own children.

Be sure to visit all the other people joining in the fun:

• The 17th Carnival of Breastfeeding
• The Adventures of Pumping: Don’t Spill That Liquid Gold!
• The thrills and chills of person-to-person milk donation
• Exclusively Pumping and Cleft Palate
• Electrify Me!
• I’m in here… uh… busy!
• I was ‘Pumped’ To Launch
• Enter to Win A Medela Freestyle Pump

breastfeeding, milk banks, pumping

If you don’t already read the Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog you might have missed their call for posts for the next Carnival of Breastfeeding. This month’s topic is pumping and expressing milk, so if you have a story to tell be sure to join in. I will be sharing my own pumping and donating story from when my oldest was still a tiny baby. Donating milk was one of the most wonderful things I did, next to breastfeeding my own son. Submissions are due by June 17th, so get to writing!

Speaking of breastfeeding, I read this interesting article in the news the other day.

Premature baby girls appear to get greater benefit from breastfeeding compared than premature baby boys, according to new research.

The study was done by looking at the hospitalization rates of boys and girls due to infections and comparing the formula fed infants to the breastfed infants. The results showed a sizable decrease in girls who were breastfed than those who were fed formula, while boys rates stayed the same. One interesting thing is that the girls, in general, seemed to be sicker than boys when not breastfed. Fifty percent of the formula fed girls had to be hospitalized due to infections, while only nineteen percent of the formula fed boys. The numbers seem to go both ways, not only are girls healthier when breastfed but they are also sicker when not.

Part of me wonders if some of those numbers stem not from actual health but from the male/female stereotypes that start as soon as birth. Boys are seen to be stronger, girls more fragile, so that girls are more likely to be taken to the hospital for infections.

Despite this apparent decline, some gender stereotyping persists and is consistent across studies. The parents in all three studies rated female newborns as finer featured than male newborns, and the parents in both the present and the Sweeney and Bradbard (1988) studies rated female newborns as more delicate than male newborns. Thus, parents seem particularly likely to perceive their female and male newborns as differing on physical characteristics. These differences were perceived even though there were no observed physical differences between the male and female infants in this or the previous studies. Via: Parents’ gender-stereotyped perceptions of newborns: the eye of the beholder revisited

It will be interesting to see if more information on this study comes to light and what can be made from it. Hopefully this will not make some mothers decide not to breastfeed their sons.

breastfeeding

“Mommy, my eyes hurt.”

My oldest suffers from bad allergies so complaints about his eyes and nose suffering are not new. I made a mental note to give him allergy medicine when we got home and went on with running errands. When we got home, however, it was clear that it was not just allergies he was suffering from.

Both eyes were puffy, oozing, and pink. When he complained that it felt like sand was in his eyes I was certain, it was pink eye. Added to it was swelling and tenderness  in his cheeks that always told me a sinus infection was happening. Needless to say it was not a pleasant weekend. Fortunately I have a pretty good medical trick up my sleeve. Breastmilk.

Conjunctivitis, or pink eye, can be caused by several different things.  But when it is bacterial, breastmilk works wonders. Breastmilk contains many antibodies that help fight infections, the most abundant being secretory IgA. What’s so special about that?

Breastmilk has been used by mothers (probably for many years) to treat infectious conjunctivitis. Secretory IgA is an immunoglobulin, present in colostrum and mature human milk. It has been found to inhibit the adherence or bacteria to mucosal surfaces and limits bacterial colonization of the eye. Via: ivillage

Conjunctivitis, pink eye, breastmilk

If you have not yet checked it out the June 2008 edition of Root and Sprout is out and worth checking out. For those who don’t know Root and Sprout is a great new online magazine that focuses on gentle, respectful parenting.

Green up your child’s playroom,  read some summer safety tips, or have fun making a sandbox for your kids to play in. And of course check out the Special Content section to read some great articles on fathers and fatherhood. Brew a pot of coffee and spend a few hours reading all of the great articles in this month’s edition.

If you think you have something to say don’t be shy, check out the guidelines on submitting your own articles. June 17th is the deadline to have your article featured in the next edition of Root and Sprout. We’re all experts in something, let your own voice be heard. Lis is looking for articles on how your family celebrates the Forth of July. Enjoy!

parenting