The Attached Mother

On Monday my parents and aunt came to watch Bug play t-ball.  He made sure they were watching before he swung.  So funny!

Tuesday and Wednesday were stay at home days.  I had a lot to get done.

On Thursday my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law came to Bug’s t-ball game and then took Bug and Bear home with her until Tuesday.  Mommy needs the break and the boys need a change of pace.  They are having fun.

Dh, Bean and I went shopping this afternoon.  I bought a bread maker at a thrift store.  I hope it works.  I also got a new phone–a flip phone,woohoo! I’ve wanted a new one for a while, so that was nice.  We enjoyed focusing only on Bean for the afternoon, too.

We came home, I whipped up a quick dinner, put Bean to bed and plan to spend the evening with hubby,  a nice glass of Merlot,  uninterrupted adult conversation, and whatever may follow that.

Have a great weekend!

If money is not an issue, should moms who practice attachment parenting always be stay at home moms?

*Uh, no.  I believe that parents can practice attachment parenting and work.  I also believe that sometimes attachment is better fostered if a mother does work (or do something else in addition to her mothering).  *gasp*  I believe that the ideal is a mother being with her small children nearly all the time to gain a healthy attachment and perform her mothering duties.  I live in the real world, however, and I believe that some moms are simply able to be better mothers and have a greater attachment to their children if they are not around them all day.

What do you think?

*If anything in this post needs clarification, please let me know, so that I can have the opportunity to provide better explanation of my opinion.

My three year old hits when he’s angry.  What are some ways that I can stop this behavior without resorting to spanking?
First of all, this behavior is normal for this age.  Spanking is never a good idea for dealing with any discipline issue much less the issue of hitting.    Hitting a child who hits to teach that child to not hit does not show common sense in parenting.  Also anger is a secondary emotion and helping the child to identify what feelings led him to feeling angry is helpful to his emotional development.

My oldest begin the hitting stage at around 2.5.  At first we were at a loss for what to do.  ‘No hit!’, we’d say to no avail.  Finally we got some great advice.  ‘Have him hit a pillow’, I read online.  So we did.  It was a great outlet for whatever he was feeling.  We helped to identify what he was feeling and let him punch away at a special pillow reserved for just that.  By the age of three he was no longer hitting when upset.  He wasn’t hitting us and he was rarely hitting the pillow.

Check out some of these great websites for kids:

Do you have a Thomas fanatic?  Look here!

Are your children into ’space stuff’?  Check this out!

Decorate a kid’s room here!

I didn’t like Lunes List so much, I suppose. The Monday Manifest is better. The Monday Manifest will tell you where this ship is going to be sailing this week. Hop aboard and enjoy the journey!

I am starting some new things this week. Every Tuesday I will have a Tuesday Tip. The Tuesday Tips will have information that you may find valuable to your parenting. I will include things like book reviews, product reviews, and real life “it worked for me” tips. If you have a great tip you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment. We can all learn from each other.

On Wednesday, I’m going to start ‘Ask Allison’. If you have a question about parenting you’d like my advice or opinion about, drop me an email at theattachedmother@gmail.com.  I’ll answer as many questions as possible each Wednesday.

On Thursdays I’ll be doing a ‘Thursday Throwdown”.  I post a debatable parenting topic, give my opinion and wait for yours!

Friday brings the Friday Finale where I will close out the week with a recap of my own week.

Enjoy!

I can’t believe another week is gone.  Last night I counted the number of days I have left with the boys before school starts again.  Thirty.  One month of days before Bug is gone all day and I have to gear up for my last semester of my undergrad work.  Life just flies right by.

Monday we hung out at home.  Bear asked me how Bean got into my tummy and if I ate him.  I can’t believe he remembers me being pregnant with Bean.  Bug had t ball that evening and the game ended just before it began to rain.

Tuesday we hung out at home again.   It rained and rained.  T ball was canceled and Bug did karate instead.  I adore rainy days.  So soothing, I think.

Wednesday we went to the library for story time.  I think the boys are bored with it.  Next Wednesday we’re skipping story time and going for ice cream.  *evil grin*

Yesterday was uneventful except for when Bean fell out of his crib.  I believe I have my first crib climber.  He was fine, thank goodness.

We painted a lot this week, so much so that the boys didn’t even complete their painting yesterday because I think they’ve had enough of it.  We learned about fractions, the planets (they are as upset about Pluto as I have been for the past year.  Hmph!) and the passage of light through objects.  Bear is completely uninterested in “doing school” so I hope his preschool teacher is a good one. ;-p

This weekend, per usual, we don’t have a lot planned.  Likely a trip to the park will be in the works somewhere and maybe a trip to the store for chocolate chip cookie ingredients.

Wishing my readers a wonderful weekend!

I’m not supermom, nor do I claim to be. I do have a system for making sure that things get done despite the fact that my husband works 80 hours per week and I do not use daycare for my children.

From September-March I am in school. I will be finishing my last 15 hours of undergrad this year. Last term was quite chaotic, so I’ve learned a lot from that.

This summer all three boys are home with me all day. My husband is at work at 4am, when I get up. He is gone until 3pm on an “early” day and closer to 5pm on a late day. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday he sleeps during the day after working third shift at time. Or sometimes he works during the day instead of sleeping. Yeah. I know.

Anyway, I have a daily schedule to make sure we get all of the important stuff in. Each day is a bit different so that we don’t get bored. The boys love it. I have time written in for me to write (that’d be what I’m doing at 4am. lol) to clean, and even to shower. Seriously, if I don’t write it in, it won’t get done.

The schedule will change when school starts again. When the boys are involved in different activities in the evenings we’ll write those in, too. When I see that something we’ve been doing is really working well, we change it.

I really want to put Bear in a dance class. The way he flies around the house jumping and spinning, I think he would really love a ballet class or something with contemporary dance. When I look in our parks and rec flyer they seem to be speaking only the mothers of daughters. I wonder if there are any boys in the dance classes?

I think I will contact a few dance studios around here and see what I can find. I hate to pay a lot out at first just to find that he’s not really interested. We’ll see.

Anyone have experience with boys in dance classes?

(more…)

How much sugar does your child eat in a day? As an adult you should eat more than 40 grams (about 10 teaspoons) in a 2000 calorie per day lifestyle. Chances are your kids are more than that each day.

I don’t consider artificial sweeteners an option for my boys, so I make do in other ways when it comes to lessening their sugar intake.

Some things I do include:

No more than 12 ounces of 100% juice per day. These 12 ounces are cut in half with the same amount of water.

No fruit drinks or soft drinks.

One sugary snack per day (popsicles, cookies, etc).

No more than one yogurt, applesauce, or fruit cup type snack per day.

Fruit should come from a fresh source. Fruit coming from a can or plastic container should be limited.

No sugary cereals.

Limited chocolate milk.

What fun am I?? Well, on special occasions such as birthdays, parties at school, holidays, etc I do not limit my children. They may eat as much sugar that day as they please. So far, they do not overdo it on those days. I stress the importance of a healthy diet and how sugary foods are treats and are not a good source of fuel for the body.

Every Monday I’ll do a “Lunes List”.  It may be a list of topics that appear in The Attached Mother blog this week.  It may be my replies to comments left the week before.  It could be a list of all the reasons I love ice cream.  Though, I don’t exactly love ice cream.  I’m more of a cheesecake person. Hmm.

Anyway, here is the first “Lunes List”.

Upcoming topics this week:
1.  How I limit my children’s sugar intake.
2.  Dance lessons for boys?  I’m looking for some in my area.
3.  How do I take care of my boys, do the homemaker thing, and find time to write when my husband works 80 hours per week?  I’ll tell ya on Thursday!

This summer is our first experience with T-ball.  It.is.boring. 

 Oops!  Did I say that out loud?

It’s true, though.  I’m not going to be a good baseball mom.  I’m definitely more of the soccer mom type.  Soccer, I love.  Soccer is movement and excitement.  T-ball is a lot of, well, standing around and waiting. 

No matter our feelings about it, we are there to support our little slugger Bug as he swings, swings again, swings again, makes contact with the tee, swings again, knocks the ball onto the ground in front of him, swings, swings again, hits the tee, swings and knocks the ball all the way to the pitcher’s circle.  Hubby stands on the field proudly, assistant coaching, directing the little guys around the bases and watching the clock.

Everytime Bug runs back into the dug-out and shouts, “Mommy!  Did you see me?  I hit the ball and I ran!!”  it is worth it for me to spend an hour, two or three times per week, in the humid heat, keeping a three and one year old occupied as my ankles swell.  Oh yes, the way he gives me a thumbs up from 1st base makes me forget about the mosquitos that are biting and the perspiration that is doting my face.  My baby is having fun and so am I.

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07212.html

Thomas wooden railway toys.  There is lead in the surface paint.  Lead.  Lead!?!  Ugh.

Bear and Bug, after a lengthy deliberation over “the orange one” or “the blue one” choose a “greatest dad” t-shirt for the hubby for Father’s Day. 

My husband is simply the best dad ever.  No really.  He is.

He works 80 hours per week to make sure that I can stay home with the boys while finishing my degree(s!), and he still has time to coach soccer, t-ball, and attend important karate functions.  He comes to school events and on the evenings that we don’t have some activity to attend, he can be found wrestling the three of them on the living room floor or outside in the backyard playing and giving pointers on *insert sport here*. 

My husband is a natural at attachment parenting.  Gentle discipline comes easily to him.  He never yells, he never threatens.  He instructs, he disciplines and they respect him. 

He has always been supportive of my parenting ideals and that means everything to me.  The way we choose to parent is not mainstream, so we don’t talk about it much to family and friends.  I love that when we are dealing with a new discipline issues we can sit down together and discuss options and come to an agreement on something that will work.  I love that he is my common sense parenting partner.

I’ve talked before about the noise level in a house with three little boys.  I am fairly noise-sensitive so I knew once Bear was old enough to join in with the noise-making I had to put together a plan that would keep us sane.   Along with planning activities to keep things from growing chaotic, I began a daily quiet time.

Even though Bug no longer takes daily naps, he enjoys having the time and space that quiet time provides for him.  Bear, who is up with sun just as Bug is, still needs a daily nap.  Of course, Bean does also.

Quiet time is not called “nap time” around here.  Oh no.  Because nap time is eventually not necessary.  Quiet time is our way of giving each other space and peace. It’s a time for all of us to sleep, if we need it, or otherwise regroup.  We rejoin each other after an hour or two feeling refresh and ready to interact again.

In a word?  No.  When your baby cries, he or she is telling you that they need something.  For babies, wants are needs and needs are wants.  You may be tired of holding your baby or nursing every hour or waking during the night (who wouldn’t be?) but by doing these things for your baby, you are taking care of his or her needs.

Crying is not good for a baby’s lungs or their nervous system as your grandmother might be apt to tell you.  You simply cannot hold a baby too much. You will not spoil your baby by responding each and every time, without fail, to his or her cries.  Again, you cannot spoil your baby.

Can make your baby attached to you?  Absolutely.  And with that attachment comes many important things that will eventually create an emotionally healthy adult.  Attachment parenting creates children who are self-confident, empathic, and self-aware.

I would think that non-attachment parenting practices are painful for the parents as well as the child.  Leaving a baby to cry-it-out in a crib?  That is difficult for most moms.  Not picking up a toddler when they are clingy?  It is mom who has to listen to them whine and shake them off her leg.  Why not just do what literally comes naturally and respond with kindness? 

On the subject of manipulating, what would you call it when a mother leaves her baby to cry-it-out to teach him to soothe himself?  What about the mother who doesn’t want to spoil her toddler by picking her up?  That mother is guilty of manipulating the child in hopes of forcing certain behaviours from her child.  And then we wonder where children learn to manipulate.

Calm down, do what your heart tells you to do and do not fear stages.  Your child will eventually sleep through the night.  Very possibly not nearly as soon as you want him or her to, but it will come when they are physically and emotionally old enough to handle it.  Your baby won’t always nurse for 40 minutes on, 40 minutes off.  You toddler won’t always want to be held.  The first five years of life are gone in a flash.  You will never regret time spent responding to your child in a positive way.