The Attached Mother

I have found over the past six years that Christians friend and family members tend to the least supportive people in my life when it comes to my attachment parenting.  More than anything else I have been called to defend my decision to not spank my children.  I no longer feel it necessary to debate the issue and that has been a huge relief to me.  One of the reasons that I have no desire to “have this conversation” is that I have peace with my choice.  One parenting book in particular helped me to understand that spanking is not biblical nor does God expect us to spank our children.

This book is Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton.  She is the mother of five children and a minister.  Her book gives practical tools for the discipline toolbox that do not include punishments of any sort.  Her solutions work and I began my journey through gentle discipline with her words of wisdom.

Also, check out these sites:

Gentle Christian Mothers
Arms of Love Family Fellowship

Even if you are not a Christian maybe you are tired of Christians throwing the “spare the rod” argument in your face.  This will give you facts about that verse (and others) and about what God expects from Christians when it comes to discipline. You’ll be able to refute the “spare the rod” nonsense that is spewed in many Christian circles.

PS. This is not “Thrown Down Thursday” but if you feel led to post your opinions on spanking you should go ahead.  Free speech and all that.

We’ve had a low-key Monday so far.  We’re waiting to see what the weather will be doing around t-ball game time this afternoon.  My hope is for rain.  Oh, did I say that out loud?

Bug had a fever last night from this miserable cold we’ve all got.  The rest of us are coughing and sneezing.  Blah.

Let’s see.  . .this week in the attached mother (said my best announcer voice) we’ll be discussing my favorite new discipline book, how to keep a healthy attachment when you can’t be a stay at home parent and large families.

I hope you all have a great week. 

This week was fairly exciting. On Tuesday, Bug and Bear came home from being at my MIL’s for a few days. They were home for a day and then my parents came for them yesterday. I’ll go pick them up tomorrow.

I’ve had the time I needed to finish up the Spring cleaning. I was hoping to paint also, but that didn’t work out.

Both Bug and Bear have colds and I feel my throat getting more sore by the hour. Ugh! I must be off to finish the dishes and get myself to bed early tonight.

Have a wonderful weekend. I leave you with this:
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/?cat=6 Don’t we just love the cow goddess?

Busy day here, sorry for the late post.

This is an oldie but goody. Should formula be by prescription only?  Come on, someone bite!  You know you want to.

My opinion? Well, that’s slightly too “militant” for my taste, but I do think that obstetricians and pediatricians should have lactation consultants on staff who provide free home visits for new mothers who need the service.  If not free, then maybe insurance should cover it. In the long run, breastfeeding is going to save us all money, so why not?

While I think that a mother who is adamant about  switching to the bottle shouldn’t be harassed, I do think that pediatricians should have a questionnaire on hand for mothers who will would be willing to fill one out.  The questions should focus on why the mother is choosing to not nurse anymore so that they can have the chance to be provided with help for their specific problems if they wish. Also, having the reasons that mothers give for discontinuing the nursing relationship could help breastfeeding educators and obstetricians to better prepare pregnant women for nursing.

My four year old son hates taking a bath.  He used to love it but now he argues every night about taking a bath.  Help! I’m tired of this fight.

First make sure that it’s absolutely necessary that he bathes every single day.  During the summer months, my boys need a daily bath or two, even.  In the winter, not so much.  My oldest is a bit sensitive to touch and texture and claims that water makes him itchy.  We’ve had to be creative when it comes to getting him to bath when necessary.

If your child has no issues with artificial colors, try adding food coloring to his bath water. A nice blue-green relaxes my boys and they pretend that they are in the ocean.

Of course, fun bath toys always help, too.  Check out this site.

The one thing that will keep Bug busy in the tub forever without even a hint of ‘itchiness’ is a container of bath crayons.  They are magic, I tell ya!

If your son doesn’t like the bath tub, what about showers? Maybe a hand held shower in the tub that he can control himself would encourage him.

If all else fails, wipe him down.  My mother used to give me wipe downs at the sink when I was too fussy for a bath.  I’ve pulled out the baby wipes on more than one occasion when  one of the boys simply didn’t want to take a bath.

First, completely unrelated to my tip, but this is hilarious!

Time Outs.  Some mothers swear that they work on babies under 18 months old. It’s all about consistency, you know.  Some moms say that time outs have never worked.

I tend to believe that if you are firm enough and repetitious that your child (yes, even a baby under two years old) will sit in a time out spot if you request it.  But I also think that time outs are a waste of energy and are not a good form of discipline.

One of my favorite gentle parenting sites led me to understand the true purpose of a time out and how the punishment part of a regular time out is just unnecessary.

Children behaved badly when they don’t feel well.  It could be hunger, tiredness, or just plain old, “I want the toy that he has!” The problem is that children often cannot identify their feelings.  If I am snippy, I usually know why.  I can tell if I’m hungry or tired or just burned out.  I know that my stomach aches or my head hurts or I’m simply coveting my neighbor’s new top-of-the-line minivan. :-P  Children don’t yet have that ability.

So, little Johhny hits little Susie because she won’t hand over Thomas the Tank Engine.  After you make sure that Susie is a-okay, take Johnny away from the situation and have a little time out together.  The purpose of a time-out is not to punish a child.  The purpose of a time out is to calm a child and help them to get to the bottom of why they don’t feel well, why they are acting out. A time out is a great place to provide teaching (discipline!).

“You hit Susie because you wanted the toy she had.  You have to ask nicely.  You must wait your turn.  Let’s go ask Susie if we can have the train when she is finished.”

(If it helps Susie, give her a time limit to finish playing with the train.)  If you know that Johnny needs a nap or a snack, tell him and get the ball rolling in that direction.

Banishing a child to a naughty chair or corner is just not helpful.  Spending some one-on-one time with a misbehaving child is my solution to the usual time-out.

Happy Monday morn . . . er, afternoon. It’s been a busy start to the week here. Cell phone issues, errands, etc.

I hope you all had a great weekend. I was able to get a lot done around here. I’m cleaning out closets and picking paint colors. It feels great.

What can you expect this week from the attached mother? How about a time-out tip on Tuesday? Have you been thinking of giving time-outs a go? Read this first!

On Wednesday find out how to make bath time more appealing to your little one.

On Thursday: It’s a big one! A debate about infant formula.

Stay tuned and comment!