The Attached Mother

Just hanging out doing housework and the like today.  Tomorrow we’re taking the boys to Chuck E Cheese for a combined birthday party for Bug (8-9) and Bear (9-20).  The grandmothers wanted us to have a party for them but the school year is so busy.  We decided to combine their family parties and take them to CEC for a little extra sensory assault.  Ha!

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Vaccinations.  What a big topic.  So many points to consider.

My view?   Enough children will be vaccinated that I don’t really have to worry about vaccinating my child.  But, I do anyway.  I have no problem with people who don’t.  In fact, I admire them for fighting this fight because many times it is not easy going for those who choose to keep their children free of the substances found in vaccines.

Why shouldn’t it be a parent’s choice to decide whether or not to inject their children with vaccinations?  The better question is why should things be made more difficult for those who have researched and made their decision to not vaccinate?

Your thoughts?

Baby Blues or PPD?

After Bear was born, I had PPD.  I thought I was losing my mind, really.  The pace of life picked up quickly with two under three and some days I felt like I was the butt of a cruel joke.  A little Zoloft and a lot of letting go of my idea of perfection and I was all better.

Some mothers aren’t so lucky.

Many mothers (I tend to see these moms more among the AP set) refuse to take drugs to help with the depression.  I urge mothers who suspect themselves of having PPD to talk with a doctor.  If that isn’t appealing to you, try cod liver oil and enlisting in the help of others. You deserve it and so do your children.

Remember that even if you are able to get out of bed each day and do what needs to be done, it doesn’t mean you aren’t suffering from depression.  When I had PPD, I got up, dressed myself and my children, prepared meals, kept my house clean and functioned seemingly ‘normally’.  My depression was manifested in a short temper, feelings of being suffocated, and feeling overwhelmed at times.  I was angry a lot.  I didn’t cry much.

If you don’t feel like yourself and you suspect PPD, you can get help and you can feel better!

You probably can’t imagine leaving your precious little one overnight, much less for several days at a time.  Sometimes it happens that you must, however.  There are some ways to make things easier for your child in your absence.

Video tape yourself reading a few of his or her favorite books and have their care giver show them the video at bedtime or if they are missing you.  Sing favorite songs or leave the same good night message that you say at bedtime each night.

Leave one of your familiar shirts or sweaters with your child to hold or to sleep with.

If your child can be kept in your home with a caregiver let your caregiver know your routine and have him or her stick to it as closely as possible.

Phone your child so they can talk to you.

Most of all don’t worry or feel guilty!  Leave your child with a happy good-bye, not a teary or nervous one. They pick up on that.

All three boys are sick.  Bug was feeling fine this morning and I sent him to school, but this afternoon he is feverish.  Bear woke up with a fever.  Bean was sick this weekend.

We stayed home today except to take Bug to and from school.  We’ll probably all be home all day tomorrow.  Hopefully  Bug will feel well enough to go to his belt rank ceremony for karate tomorrow evening.

This week in the attached mother:  APing and traveling without baby, vaccination,  and baby blues.

Check this out if you haven’t already. I have half as many children as she does and I do.not.ever take them all to the store with me at the same time. Ever. I’d earn AP demerits in a heartbeat if I even attempted that nonsense.

Can you believe another week gone?

This week was filled with dental appointments, school clothes shopping, and a little more house decorating.  We’ve been here over 3.5 years and I’m still getting the place set up.  Who knew how little time I’d have with a 2 year old and a newborn when we moved in?  Who knew that I’d have another baby two years after we moved in and still not have any time to decorate?

Okay, maybe I knew those things.  Anyway, if I had painted my walls and made the house pretty, the boys still would have drawn on my walls and I would have not been so amused.  Frankly, our white walls were only made better with their crayon and pencil artwork, though I do make sure to keep a supply of paper where they can reach it now.

Well, our weekend should be a calm one.  Bug has a belt exam for his yellow belt in karate and that is our only place to go this weekend.  Woohoo!

I’m off to hunt down soft dance shoes for boys as Bear had a fit yesterday because the girls in his tumbling class wear little ballet shoes and he has to be barefoot.  :-0  Heaven forbid!

Have a great weekend.

I like the view in this article.

This is a hot-button topic.  Some believe that the socialization received in a school setting is essential.  Some treat homeschooling as if the socialization achieved there is non-existent.

I’d love to hear from both sides on this!  Does homeschooling put children at risk of not being able to function well socially?

Most babies have separation anxiety at some point.  For my boys, after about three months of age, no one else could hold them except me or my husband.  Leaving them with someone else was out of the question until my older two were around two years old and my youngest, only recently around 18 months (and it always helps to leave a big brother or two with him to show that it’s okay).

Now, I understand that many attached moms refuse to leave a crying baby for any reason.  If you don’t have a reason and you can help it, then that’s fine. Something that I’ve learned with several years of parenting under my belt is that sometimes you don’t have a choice.  Other times you simply need a break in order to be a  better mother.

If you’re hard core AP, then you’d probably like to tell me a thing or two right now.  Simmer down. You?  Used to be me.  I understand your point.

So, my new theory about leaving a child during the separation anxiety phase is as follows.  Babies and toddlers with a good attachment to a caregiver need that caregiver to let them know what is safe and what is not.  If you attempt to leave your baby or toddler in the church nursery or with a baby-sitter, they can’t understand when you say, “It’s fine, mommy will be right back.”  No amount of consoling is going to keep them from crying when you walk out the door.

What’s a mother to do if she has no choice but to leave her anxious baby with another caregiver?

If you will be leaving your baby with a baby-sitter, spend some time beforehand letting your baby play with the sitter without you leaving the room.  You can do this several times.

Distraction is key.  Get your toddler started playing and sneak out.  Yes, I said it.  You can either let them see you go and hear them scream or you can leave them when they are happy.  While you are helping your child find something to occupy them, tell them good-bye and that you will be back.  Be nonchalant about it.  I don’t believe in leaving a child without at least saying good-bye and promising to return.  However, you don’t have to say the words and then vanish.  Keep playing until you can make a quiet, unnoticeable exit.

Make sure your caregiver understands how important attachment parenting is to you.  Let her know that you want your toddler held and cuddled no matter why he’s crying.  Tell the caregiver your tips and tricks for soothing your child.

Of course, I believe that leaving a child when it’s necessary is, well, unnecessary.  I’ve never been able to leave my baby or toddler when he is upset to see me go-unless I am leaving him with his father.  I understand how difficult it is to leave a crying child.  However, the tips I’ve listed have helped me to be able to leave my children for short amounts of time at younger ages.  My 18 month old will now push away from me to get down and play when I take him to the kids’ center at my gym.  He is a little more independent than his brothers were, but still I am happy to know that he feels safe enough to let me go.

Having worked with babies and toddlers for several years in a preschool setting, I can tell you that even when you leave your child crying, they usually stop within minutes and carry on as if nothing is amiss.  With the right actions and reassurance from the caregiver, they are soothed and have fun.  A few children who are higher needs may not do so well, but your care giver should always let you know if your child continues to cry or if his or her upset turns to panic.

http://gentlebento.blogspot.com/  Check it out!  Great pictures!

We’re back in the swing of things here.  In another two weeks, Bear will be in preschool and Bean will be in a two-morning-per-week program, too.  I admit it feels weird that I’ll have around 6 hours each week without children.  I’m looking forward to what I can get done in that time, though.

I joined a gym last week.  My fitness analysis was, well, not good.  I have a lot of work to do, but I’ve made the first step and I’m ready.

Well, I’ve got 15 more minutes of “coffee” time before my beautiful boys wake.  I hope you all have a great week!

This week in the Attached Mother:

Homeschooling and socialization and more bento!

I give my children soy milk.  Soy is a common ingredient in many foods.  Check those labels, you’d be shocked.

Cow’s milk isn’t great with the antibiotics and growth hormones and whatnot.  My guys drink a cup or two of soy milk per day and even though I know the debate over the potential problems with soy, I choose to continue to use soy milk.  I cook and personally drink cow’s milk, but am slowly adding more soy milk into my diet.

What’s your stand on soy?

Relax!  That is my PSA for parents of picky eaters.  Just frickin’ relax.  They won’t starve themselves.  Do not, do not, do not make food a battle with your child.  It’s not healthy for either of you.
Now, for the truly helpful portion of this post.  ;-P

BENTO!  Ben who??  Check this out.

More links later.

This was so beautiful it made me cry.

Bug has just turned six so I’m often thinking back to his first year of life.  Wow, was that a sweet time.  Hands down it was the most blissful time of my life so far.

Everyday was new and exciting.  Every milestone was incredible.  Really, life was rainbows and butterflies.

I’ve tried to recapture that feeling, but life is different now.  The pace is faster and there is less time to stop and think about how blessed I am.  But, I am blessed.  I have a beautiful family that are too special for words.  (Oh, here come the waterworks.  *sniff*) When I take the time to live in the present I am blown away by these four guys I am so lucky to have in my life.

This week in the attached mother:  The breast crawl, picky eaters and the soy debate.