The Attached Mother

Have you ever had one of those annoying “mommy worries” floating around in your head?  I’ve got one now.  Bug was playing catch with his lunch bag this morning.  When he got out of the car at school his lunch bag was leaking.  I opened it and his entire ten ounces of perfectly mixed half juice-half water for lunch was gone.  The food seemed okay in it’s containers and wrappers and he has his jug of water for snack time that can be refilled, but in the back of mind I’m worrying if his lunch bag is still leaking, if his food got soggy, if he’ll remember to take his water jug to lunch, etc.  This one little incident will occupy my mind until 3pm.

Bug’s first day of school went well and his birthday was fun.  He was torn between wanting to go to school this morning or staying home to play with his new toys. LOL

Bear loves his tumbling class.  I love that the instructor said she will not coerce the kids to do anything they don’t want to do.  If they say no, she suggests something else they might try.  Yeah, Bear is fearful of the forward roll.  lol  She had him try rolling like a log instead and he loves it.  She said that eventually the peer pressure will get to him and he’ll be forward rolling all over the place.  Did I mention that I love how she doesn’t stand there saying, “Oh come on!  Just try it.  Come on, let me help!  Come on, it’s fun!  Really!!”  He says no and she says, “Okay, let’s try this then.”

Bean has dropped the morning nap. For the first time I’m very happy about this. :-)  It will make life simpler to not have to be home for that first nap anymore.  I can run errands earlier now.

Well, have a great weekend!

Please note that when I speak of this subject I am assuming that there is no abuse whatsoever occurring in a marriage.

Would you stay in a loveless marriage just for the children?

I know this is a hugely debatable topic.  I think I would stay. It takes too people to make it work when there is no romance or passion involved. I firmly believe that two dedicated adults could stay married and provide a healthy home environment for their children even if they are no longer romantically interested in each other.

Let the debate begin!

I though that this story explained in a simple way the reason that women choose unassisted pregnancy and childbirth.  Your thoughts?

My thoughts:  It’s not for me, but I admire women who do this. I wish I would have had the courage to do it.

Does it seem like everyone has an opinion about how to raise your child? It’s bad enough that you get looks from nosy people in the grocery store when the little one has meltdown.  What do you do if it’s your own loved one who is giving you those looks or even worst, constantly offered unsolicited advice.

It’s a tough situation.  You don’t want to hurt your relationship with your friends and family but you don’t want to constantly defend parenting practices about which you feel so strongly.

The first time it happens, I say try to explain your reasoning.  Don’t be defensive or emotional but give the person the reason that you have chosen to parent the way you do.  If they continue to press you you can either nod along and keep the peace and not take their meddling to heart or you can take a more aggressive route and tell them that the topic is off limits.

Before I start talking about me, me, me I want to address Neel’s comment.  Please give me specifics on the situation such as what behavior your family is refusing to consider in need of discipline.  My best advice is that if anyone in your life is sabotaging your parenting it is time for them change their ways or spend less time around your child!

Today we meet Bug’s teacher.  He is so excited he is practically doing cartwheels.  His birthday is Thursday.  I can’t believe he’ll be six.  Geez, wasn’t it just his third birthday??

Tomorrow we are going to the zoo and to celebrate Bug’s birthday with my parents.   I’m looking forward to it all.

Wednesday I have to drag all three boys to the salon for the dreaded “hair cut day”.  Every two months I torture them like this. 

Thursday is the first day of school, Bug’s birthday and Bear’s tumbling class.

This week in the attached mother:   Dealing with family members who don’t support your parenting practices, unassisted childbirth and loveless marriage.

Have a great week!

It’s the last full week of summer vacation and it is gone.  Wow.  On Monday we’ll be meeting Bug’s new teacher.  I’m excited.

On Thursday, Bug starts school, turns six, and Bear has his first tumbling class.  Yeah, we changed from Creative Movement to tumbling after Bear became more interested in learning to flip than to pirouette.  LOL

Enjoy your weekend.  I know we will here, soaking the last moments of free time together before the gears of the school year being to turn again.

Is it possible to discipline your child without using punishment? I say yes, but I think it’s a difficult concept to put into practice if you’ve never seen it done.

How can it be discipline if there is no punishment?  Well, to discipline means to teach.  I don’t believe that teaching must be punitive.  I think we can all agree on that. 

How does discipline without punishment work? Easy.  Every action has consequences.  Good and bad.  For children who have been punished, shifting the paradigm is going to cause some problems at first.  Discipline without punishment requires proactive parenting and creative discipline.

This is a huge topic and next week I will give some ideas about how to discipline without punishment, but I want to know first what you think or what questions you have about no-punitive discipline. 

How does AP work with two children? 

Hey, it’s not easy.  I was astounded at how difficult and out of my control life was after having two children.  I had a high needs two year old and a newborn and some days wondered if someone was playing a cruel joke on me!  (Fwiw, adding a third child was a breeze after I adjusted to having more than one child.)

My tips for getting through the day with more than one include my most important lesson learned–some days you just have to survive.  Some days will be very difficult. You won’t get to spend time with your children in the way you want.  This is when you must be very careful to live in the present, forget the dishes and laundry, carry the baby in a sling and plant yourself on the floor with toys and books.

I can tell by 9am what kind of a day it will be. Maybe someone didn’t get enough sleep, maybe someone is sick or cranky.  Those days, I know that nothing will go as planned and that I must not be a control freak.

My children need me to help them stay calm and feel sane even when their behaviour is not.

When you have more than one child, get their naps and bedtime in sync. If your older child does not nap, establish a daily quiet time to coincide with your younger child’s naptime.

Get meal times in sync as much as possible. This is my downfall.  I let my children eat when they are hungry and that means I feed three children six times per day all at different times for the most part.  I could fight this battle for a more organized “feeding time”, but it’s not a battle worth fighting for me.

Enlist in help.  I know that many AP moms feel that if they aren’t doing all the work, then they are bad mommies. Get over it.  Check out part time daycare, babysitting co-ops, Mom’s Morning Out programs, mother’s helpers, willing relatives, etc to help ease your load.  Remember that your children will benefit from a mother who has a few moments a day, to say, pee alone.