The Attached Mother

To continue my Co-sleeping and Breastfeeding theme from earlier I wanted to touch on a news story that is gaining a lot of attention lately. Crib deaths linked to common bacteria.

Researchers have pinpointed two common bacteria that may contribute to crib deaths, even when infants show no sign of tissue damage.

Post-mortem tests on more than 500 babies found high levels of Staphylococcus aureus and Escherichia coli in babies who died for unexplained reasons, a team from Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children in London said on Friday.

One explanation could be that the bacteria release deadly toxins, which damage the young heart, lungs or nervous system.

But bacterial growth may also be a secondary effect of other known risk factors like over-heating, parental smoking and lying a child on its stomach.

Crib death, also known as SIDS, is when babies stop breathing and die for unexplainable reasons in their sleep. Though often suffocation is lumped in with SIDS by people, they are not the same. True SIDS is the term given when doctors can find no reason for the child to have suddenly died.

This new finding has sparked heated debates across the web. Many parents are asking where is the link between the bacteria and the children. Some are asking about tainted formula or vaccines, while others are wondering if there is a defect that allows a bacteria found in everyone’s bodies to become so dangerous. One question that I read asked if there was a difference between those babies who were breastfed and those who were not in the numbers of SIDS cases and this bacteria.

It is sometimes touted that bottle fed infants have a higher risk of SIDS than those who are breastfed. Though the evidence so far is inconclusive, depending on who is doing the research, the connection between the two is certainly there. Especially when co-sleeping(pdf) is added to the mix. However, there is one important connection that I want to point out. The anti-bodies found in breastmilk. As Dr. Sears points out
(more…)

Since breastfeeding and co-sleeping go together so well I wanted to share these two pieces of news together.

Did you ever try co-sleeping with your babe? For a day, a week, a month, or longer? Are you still co-sleeping with your little, or not so little, ones. If so let yourself be counted in the co-sleeping survey going on right now. The purpose of the survey is to normalize co-sleeping in the public eye and show that a lot more parents are doing so than is assumed. I added in my nearly two years of co-sleeping time to the survey, four months for my oldest and eighteen months with my youngest.

I should also send you over to the Motherwear blog where Tanya is taking examples of breastfeeding funnies from your kids. What hilarious things have your kids said when it comes to breastfeeding. Think of it as “Kids Say the Darnest Things” boobs edition.

co-sleeping, breastfeeding, kids, parenting, attachment parenting

The Motherwear Blog has a great list up of breastfeeding freebies that all nursing moms would love to have. Everything from free videos and posters, to books for kids, and a great recipe for cookies that helps increase lactation. It’s a great excuse to curl up with your baby and a plate of cookies. Breastfeeding is hard work so it’s nice to get some free goodies for it.

Especially when you are nursing a toddler! It is often called the Nursing Olympics, the special brand of nursing when your toddler is hanging over your shoulder, upside down, while trying to eat cookies and pulling your hair. Every mom still nursing her older child knows all about that phase. They are too big to be happy staying still but too little to understand why mommy needs them to stop trying to run through the house with your nipple in their mouth. Ouch!

Though one of the perks is getting to watch your toddler mimic you in cute ways. I have pictures of both of my sons as toddler nursing their baby dolls.  Though their baby dolls never gave them the fun of trying to nursing a child doing loops in their lap.

As my youngest is going on 2 (in six days) and still breastfeeding daily I’m happy to be mostly past the squirming and flipping phase. He still has his moments of thinking he needs to nurse while laying across my back and leaned over my shoulder. I don’t know how long this is going to last, right now as long as he wants, but as long as there are some fun freebies I’m still game.

breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding

Revolution Health has an interesting service available that shares just how mom friendly each state in the US really is. It’s called MomScore, and you can use it to see how your state ranks on several issues important to the health and wellbeing of moms and children.

Each state is judged on several criteria to determine their overall score.  Access to prenatal care, maternal mortality, risk of pregnancy complications, childcare availability, infant mortality, air quality, violent crime rate, access to health insurance, affordable children’s health insurance, and the state’s mandatory paid leave policies are all picked over and compared to give a breakdown of how the individual states add up. If you are curious as to how they determined the scores you can read their methodology here.

Mississippi comes in last in their score card while Vermont is number one. My own state, Oklahoma, came in near the bottom of the heap at #44 out of 51 states and D.C. Access to prenatal care and health care coverage are ranked as Oklahoma’s worst issues.  I do wonder exactly who they are including in their results of access to prenatal care. Did they count midwives in their numbers? Not that it would add much to OKlahoma, says the mom who had to drive over an hour in labor to get to the nearest midwife, but I wonder if that would increase the scores of other states.

Check out the numbers and see how your state ranks. What other qualifications would you add to the list?

motherhood, parenting

Via CNN:

A Chinese policewoman is being hailed as a hero after taking it upon herself to breast-feed several infants who were separated from their mothers or orphaned by China’s devastating earthquake.

Police officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, was feeding nine babies at one point.

Officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, the mother of a 6-month-old boy, responded to the call of duty and the instincts of motherhood when the magnitude 7.9 quake struck on May 12.

“I am breast-feeding, so I can feed babies. I didn’t think of it much,” she said. “It is a mother’s reaction, and a basic duty as a police officer to help.”

OK, so not an attachment parenting topic, but still something worth sharing. The earthquake that struck caused many families to be torn apart in so many terrible ways. To see a woman step up and help children who were separated or orphaned from their mothers is a heroic act we should all applaud.

I  do not want to turn this into another formula verses breastfeeding fight. There are hundreds of infants still starving from lack of food, whether that food is breast milk or formula. In the horrors of the quake  many mothers have been able to feed their children themselves or been able to obtain clean water and proper formula.  That another mother would step in and do something so amazing should be above all of that.

Milk banks are one way any breastfeeding mother can be a hero also. These banks collect and store breast milk for babies who cannot be breastfed for a variety of reasons. There are milk banks in many countries across the world that help care for children by connecting nursing mothers to babies in need.

Some hospitals in China have milk banks already set up to collect milk donations. Spreading the word about the ability to help other babies in need is a great way to help other children affected by the quake. Even if you cannot help them donating milk to your local banks will children here in America who are unable to have the benefits of breast milk.

For more information on the quake in China and information on how to help visit the China Earthquake Relief page.

breastfeeding, China, earthquake, orphans

I loved having a sling to carry my second son around in. I loved it so much that I learned how to make my own so that I could have a few different color options without buying a new one. I even made a cute sling for a friend as her baby shower gift. A thick (she lived in the north), reversible sling that had soft pink roses on one side and vines on the other.

Making a sling can be really easy and inexpensive if you are decent at sewing. Even a beginner can pick up on the simple steps easily. Grab a few old sheets to practice with until you get it right.

Rixa of The True Face of Birth just shared the most beautiful and easy looking pattern to make a great pleated ring sling. She really took the time to lay out the steps for you one by one so that you won’t have to worry about what you do next.

And once you go over to check out the tutorial be sure to hang out and read some more of her great posts. The birth junkies will definitely enjoy her posts on child birth and a woman’s options. Especially in the light of the recent VBAC bans going on, such as the ones in Arizona. It is a topic I have seen with a lot of discussion lately, and I hope will soon be overturned.

So, head over to Rixa’s, enjoy the sling tutorial, and get a little educated on child birth. It’s a great start to the week.

sling, tutorial, crafts, infant carrier

Over at Babble there was an interesting article on sleeping, specifically co-sleeping. The general idea is that co-sleeping leads to sleep problems in children. Apparently ignoring all the child who did not co-sleep that still have sleep problems and ignoring the ones who did co-sleep and had no problems. Luckily the comment section has several voices of reason in it.

How a person sleeps is such  an individual thing, and can be influenced by a thousand other issues. Diet, exercise, TV viewing, are among the things that influence sleeping habits. You also have to take into account each individual child’s personality. My oldest was a great sleeper from the minute he was born, my youngest hated sleep from the minute he was born. Interesting enough I’m a happy sleeper while their father stays up all night.

From talking regularly to others who co-sleep I have seen over and over again that there is no real pattern. Some kids sleep well, some do not. Some are ready to sleep all night by a few months, some might need a few years. Just as with potty training rushing a child too soon generally only leads to frustration.

While I know that co-sleeping does not work for everyone, making blanket statements about it in this way is a bit annoying. Those of us who have chosen that sleeping method probably know first hand the many insightful comments people can make when they disagree.

I do have to admit the bad taste in my mouth from one commenter who feels leaving an infant to cry for 45 minutes isn’t that bad. Maybe to an adult, though I’d be hard pressed to feel that if if my partner left me to cry that long alone I’d be so light about it, but for an infant or young child with no concept of time 45 minutes might as well be a lifetime. Especially when they are not mature enough to understand what is happening or why.

co-sleeping, sleep

Since I wrote earlier about getting a little more frustrated lately with my kids I wanted to share this list I found online. Positive Parenting: 10 Ways to Relieve the Stress of Childrearing

It’s a great list with ideas like stay rested, admit you aren’t perfect, and (the best in my opinion) learn to laugh. If you can’t laugh over the silly, weird, odd things kids can and will do then be prepared for an early stroke. There are a thousand instances when your only options will be to laugh or scream, choose wisely.

parenting

I’ve noticed some rough spots in my parenting lately, getting frustrated and annoyed far easier than I should. I thought it was the perfect time to pick up a book that I read when my oldest was still a tiny baby, one that definitely helped guide how I wanted to parent. The book is Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times by Zoe Weil.

One of the beliefs I see spoken often in Attachment Parenting circles is that if we raise our children with respect and compassion they will learn to be respectful and compassionate. The opposite is often seen, raise a child with violence and they become violent is one example. So using the qualities we want them to hold is a great stepping stone towards them having those qualities themselves.

There is a story in the book that Weil shares about a boy with some physical and mental disabilities.  The boy loved basebal, and though his father would play in the yard with him, he wanted to play with the other kids on a real team. His father always held him back, afraid of how the other children might treat him. Finally one day he gives in and takes his son to the ball field. Rather than the teasing and torture he was afraid of the boys on both teams cheered the boy on, helped him to hit a home run, and applauded him around the bases.

Some people might roll their eyes at a story like this,  knowing full well how cruel and vicious some children can be. Anyone who has survived Junior High can often attest to it. But there are still moments of compassion left in the world. Look at this news story of a girl who, having finally hit her first home run, blew out her knee and could not run the bases. The opposing team members picked her up and carried her around the bases so that she could have her moment.

I’m not saying any of these children were or were not raised any certain way. Compassion springs forth in the best and worst people people at times. I do hold hope though that by working to share more compassion with my sons, every day, that I am planting seeds for more compassion to trickle out into the world.

parenting, compassion, attachment parenting

If you have not read it yet there is a great review on the book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Dr. Sarah J. Buckley up over at Tiny Grass. The birth junkies out there will most likely love this one. According to Trish

I am not exaggerating when I say that Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is the most enjoyable book on birth and mothering that I have read, ever. At least so far. Some of my other favorites include Immaculate Deception II and Spiritual Midwifery. The first, in my opinion, does an excellent job of describing the research behind all the possible interventions that some women use in labor, and the second tends to speak to the more spiritual and sexual side of birth. But Buckley’s book is excellent because she does an amazing job of combining those two concepts - the medical and the spiritual, and finding how they intersect and/or interfere with each other. Also, unlike Spiritual Midwifery, in which Ina May Gaskin publishes the individual birth stories of a lot of women, Buckley’s book describes, in a very personal way, her own birth stories. I very much enjoyed the fact that I could read about the author’s own personal story at the same time as she writes essays on how women across the world have dealt with the issues surrounding birth.

It sounds like a great book to add to your personal library. To read the rest of the review click over to Tiny Grass.

book review

I had planned to write about this sooner but kept forgetting. So I apologize for being so late.

Lis Garret is calling for parents to submit articles by May 15th (I told you I was late) for her new online magazine Root and Sprout. If you haven’t visited yet Root and Spout is a great online magazine for parents looking to raise their children in a gentler, saner fashion.

Here at Root & Sprout, we believe the connection between parent and child is what’s most important, and it’s a relationship that grows through mutual love and respect. With gentle, hands-on parenting, we can give our children the necessary roots to help them sprout.

This is just the type of site that I know AP parents would love to have. And being able to share your own advice and stories is just the icing on the cake. As Lis says it does not have to be heavy or deep, just something that you think other parents need to know about. As parents we are all valuable and have some knowledge that someone else out there needs. Why not share it?

To add a little more fun Root and Spout is having a contest right now. Subscribe to the Root & Sprout newsletter between now and May 31st and you will be entered in a drawing to win a Root & Sprout Canvas Tote Bag. Send an email to newsletter@rootandsprout.com with the word “subscribe” in the subject field. Get someone else to sign up, and your name will be entered TWICE. Just tell your friend to say “[insert your name] referred me.”

If you are interested in writing something the deadline for the next (June 15th) edition is June 1st. And after that articles submitted by June 15th will be in the June 29th edition. There is a call for special content for those editions asking for articles on celebrating Independence Day in the US. It could be a great topic for sharing!

writing, parenting, gentle parenting

Preschoolers, they almost beat out teenagers at pushing their parents to the limits. When you need to do A they are dead set on doing B, until you agree to do B and then they want C. It can be frustrating and overwhelming, even for parents trying to raise their children more gently and compassionately.

I have an article up over at Type-A Mom that shares some tips on what to do when your preschooler is pushing all the wrong buttons.  Even if you are not struggling with raising preschoolers or young children I have shared at the bottom of the article a few books that I think are helpful for parents in all age stages.

parenting, preschoolers

Happy Mother’s Day to all you fabulous moms out there. Here’s a special tribute to you. The Mother’s Day Proclamation was issued in 1870 by Julia Ward Howe, one of the three founders of modern Mother’s Day. Learn more about it here.

Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:
“We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: “Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace. …

Mother’s Day

What do you think about bribing, rewarding, and treating your children for their actions?

There are two basic schools of thought on this. One says that bribing is fine and works, the other says that bribing is only a short term solution. I fall into the second category, though I have been guilty of bribing and rewarding my kids when need be. For instance getting dressed so we can get somewhere on time.

Like most people I was raised in a bribing and rewarding household. It was not until I was an adult that I even considered the notion that kids could, and would, do things without needing something in return. Though the concept seems logical as an adult, for instance I don’t get treats for doing the dishes, when dealing with children it becomes fuzzy.

It was on an Attachment Parenting board that I first was told about not bribing or rewarding kids. It seemed crazy at first, and I probably argued so at least in my head. Then I sat down with an open mind and listened to what they were saying, and it made sense. Bribing only does little good, and more often does further damage. Or in the words of Alfie Kohn:

“Rewards work!” many parents insist. But work to do what? And at what cost? The answer to the first question is that rewards, like punishments, are extremely effective at getting us one thing and one thing only: temporary obedience. What they can never do, however, is help children become responsible, ethical, decent people.

 

Studies conclude that rewards are ineffective. In the process of writing a book on the subject, I’ve found hundreds of studies showing that rewards are strikingly ineffective at producing lasting change in attitudes or behaviors. Once the rewards run out, people go right back to acting the way they did. And no wonder. Rewards don’t create an enduring commitment to any value or action; they merely change what we do.

For many parents finding their way towards AP ideas like this make sense. When we strive to give our children a solid foundation from which to grow with things such as co-sleeping and baby wearing why would we not also strive to build that foundation in other areas. I have a discussion going on right now on whether bribing works or not. Feel free to pop over and share your thoughts in the comments section, just do so politely please.

parenting, bribing, rewards, children, Alfie Kohn

I know that not all AP parents choose to home school, but many do take that route. For those that do the bonding process and family attachment seem like logical first steps towards homeschooling, often the often misunderstood style of unschooling.

Being an AP parent who chooses to home school my sons as well means that I am often looking for material that fit our lifestyle without being too light in necessary areas. I would say that we are probably 90% unschoolers with a sprinkling of this and that mixed together. A few weeks ago a friend sent me a set of Oak Meadow books for homeschooling parents and I was delighted to read how close the style is to Attachment Parenting.

From what I have read bonding is seen as very important, with touching them and talking with them as valuable parenting traits. Loving our children unconditionally is also stressed, as well as looking deeply at our children and what is truly happening behind the outward appearances we see. Just reading the teacher’s books I can already see why Oak Meadow curriculum is often a huge hit among those who follow Attachment Parenting.

Though I’ve put a pause in reading the books I wanted to share what I’ve read so far. I would definitely recommend this to parents who what some structure, but not too much, in their day. Even families choosing not to home school would gain something from reading one of the main parent’s books: The Heart of Learning. It would be a great resource for understanding how your children are learning and how to help them absorb more from their school.

home school, Oak Meadow, attachment parenting