Site Meter The Attached Mother » Blog Archive » Bribes

Bribes

by

quarter.jpgWhat do you think about bribing, rewarding, and treating your children for their actions?

There are two basic schools of thought on this. One says that bribing is fine and works, the other says that bribing is only a short term solution. I fall into the second category, though I have been guilty of bribing and rewarding my kids when need be. For instance getting dressed so we can get somewhere on time.

Like most people I was raised in a bribing and rewarding household. It was not until I was an adult that I even considered the notion that kids could, and would, do things without needing something in return. Though the concept seems logical as an adult, for instance I don’t get treats for doing the dishes, when dealing with children it becomes fuzzy.

It was on an Attachment Parenting board that I first was told about not bribing or rewarding kids. It seemed crazy at first, and I probably argued so at least in my head. Then I sat down with an open mind and listened to what they were saying, and it made sense. Bribing only does little good, and more often does further damage. Or in the words of Alfie Kohn:

“Rewards work!” many parents insist. But work to do what? And at what cost? The answer to the first question is that rewards, like punishments, are extremely effective at getting us one thing and one thing only: temporary obedience. What they can never do, however, is help children become responsible, ethical, decent people.

 

Studies conclude that rewards are ineffective. In the process of writing a book on the subject, I’ve found hundreds of studies showing that rewards are strikingly ineffective at producing lasting change in attitudes or behaviors. Once the rewards run out, people go right back to acting the way they did. And no wonder. Rewards don’t create an enduring commitment to any value or action; they merely change what we do.

For many parents finding their way towards AP ideas like this make sense. When we strive to give our children a solid foundation from which to grow with things such as co-sleeping and baby wearing why would we not also strive to build that foundation in other areas. I have a discussion going on right now on whether bribing works or not. Feel free to pop over and share your thoughts in the comments section, just do so politely please.

, , , ,


Leave a Reply


About The Attached Mother

The Attached Mother is about the real-life experiences of an attachment parenting mom. Allison writes about her parenting ideals such as co-sleeping, gentle discipline, child-led weaning, baby wearing and how she applies them with her three young sons.

The Attached Mother Author(s)

Blogging Flair

Parenting & Family Channel Posts

  • Monsanto Roundup
    With nine million litres of Roundup sold each year all over the world, the American agrochemical group Monsanto holds a world record. For the first time, a study led by Gilles-Eric Séralini [...]
  • What a proud parent does?
    So, there’s the looming talk of “candy at school” but thus far my son doesn’t seem to be any the wiser about how the whole “no more candy” came to be.  I’m trying to be objective, [...]
  • To prove I’m not the perfect parent
    My children are having a hard time with the fact that their mommy has been gone quite a bit lately.  And, I’m home now with no chance of traveling for quite some time and hopefully, if I do [...]
  • Cooking with Kids
    Bo is a great helper. I love to make cookies with Peanut. It's our fun mother/daughter activity. For a while, every time she took a nap, she'd ask if we could make chocolate chips when she [...]
  • Sleep: A Chance to Dream and For Mom to Get a Break
    I love sleep. It is in my top five of favorite things to do. Having a baby kind of ruins this though! The Little Guy is slowly getting better at sleeping. Many mornings, he's out cold at [...]
  • So, I really hate to complain but candy? Really?
    Here’s the deal.  You all know that my son is a talker and that thus far his teacher has been more than a little bit receptive to the fact that he NEVER.SHUTS.UP.  She seems to be [...]
  • Ok, so let’s talking Parenting…mmmkay?
    Ok, so yea, I get it, I’m a parent but not everyone wants to hear me tell parenting stories.  So, I figure, I’ll give you one little parenting story and then guide you in the direction of [...]
  • Do You Pull Up?
    The other day, I was working. I really was. I was doing some research, and I happened upon an article about Tori Spelling. She talked about her son, Liam's, potty training process. Here's a [...]
  • Electroshocking Toddlers?
    American psychiatry still regards electroconvulsive therapy as a respected treatment, even for kids. Although ECT for young children is nowhere near as common as for adults, most U.S. states [...]
  • Babies having babies.
    Mama always said that she was a 'baby that had a baby' when she got pregnant with me a mere WEEK after her wedding to Papa. She and I still look like sisters (I'm the YOUNGER one, dammit!), and we [...]

Hot Off The Press