Sibling rivalry. It can be the bane of attachment parenting. Just when you think you have this gentle parenting thing down with one kid here comes another and the dynamic is completely changed. Suddenly they are fussing with each other, picking on each other, and doing all the things you were certain your kids would never do.
Trust me, I’ve been there. Been there? I am still there.
There are some things that you can do to ease the fighting and feuding that come with sibling rivalry. Set guidelines. Identify the actions that are acceptable and the ones that are not. Give them room to express themselves in a space where they are not hurting the other. Also, be sure to let each one know that you love them individually, that they do not have to fight to compete for parental love or attention. Of course, how you put those ideas to work in your day-to-day life will be up to you.
Consistency plays an important role in easing the fighting and feuding of sibling rivalry. The good thing about being an attached mom is that it’s easy to be consistent.
In my case, it’s not hard for me to show the special kind of attention each of my children deserves. The attachment I have for each of my children helps me identify what kind of parenting style is appropriate. So when sibling rivalry strikes, I don’t deal with it in a general way. I get with each child and deal with the situation individually.
Yes, it does get quite taxing but it works for me. However, the most taxing part is when I have to brief the babysitter. It’s a must that she knows exactly how to deal with my children should there be some kind of drama in my absence.
It’s a good thing that I can screen the babysitters first on Sittercity. I usually choose the ones who have undergone some kind of training in child psychology. I have found a handful of highly skilled babysitters on Sittercity. They seem to know pretty well how to handle sibling rivalry. Choosing one is pretty hard since their credentials are highly recommended by the other parents who are signed up with Sittercity.
Nonetheless, I have found a sweet lady by the name of Reese. For the past four month, she has been helping me with my children. I don’t think I would have found her if it weren’t for Sittercity, She has an outstanding experience in child caring. I chose her because her methods in dealing with sibling rivalry came pretty close to mine. I must say that I have learned a lot from her.
Of course, I must admit that there are times when sibling rivalry can get pretty ugly. The fighting and the feuding can drive any mom insane. When that happens, is spanking the answer?
Well, there can be a very fine line between discipline and abuse, a line that is crossed when spanking comes into play. Hitting, no matter what, should be considered child abuse.
It is the act of an adult taking out their frustrations on someone much smaller, weaker, and emotionally unprepared. Even in the best circumstances it can be damaging to the child.
Sibling rivalry can get pretty physical. I have noticed that it becomes more and more intense as the kids get older. Believe me, there are times when I have blamed myself for such proliferation of drama. However, I don’t let my feelings get the better of me. No matter what, I deal with each child individually.
That means spanking is never an option. No matter what, I have never looked at spanking as a solution. I don’t think I can teach my children any valuable lesson if I hit them. As it is, they’re already hurting each other, be it verbally or physically. How can I actually teach them a lesson if I end up hitting the two of them? The situation just worsens with a mom coming in the middle hitting the two of them. I don’t want to be that kind of mom.
My sentiments on spanking are voiced out loudly to the babysitters I hire on Sittercity. Hence, I did make it clear to Reese that spanking is never an option in my home. Should my children get into one of their fights she is to separate them. Being the attached mom that I am, I have instructed her to call me in case the situation arises.
I am very lucky to have gotten a babysitter like Reese who follows my instructions at all times. No matter what kind of training she has had in childcare, she complies with my rules and I like that very much. For that, I’m very grateful to Sittercity.
I am a staunch believer that a babysitter should never spank a kid. There is no reason for her to do that, no matter what. I make that clear from the start each time I interview a babysitter from Sittercity.
In the end, parents and caregivers, specifically babysitters, need to look honestly and completely at what they are doing when they choose to spank. What are they teaching their children about right and wrong? What are they teaching their children about power and physical violence? And what are the long-term repercussions of spanking?
Obviously, spanking is not an option. What are some of the tricks you use to deal with your kids fighting? Do you have any magic bullet that works to defuse the tension and relax everyone? If so do share! Good tips and advice are always welcome.