The Attached Mother

Via CNN:

A Chinese policewoman is being hailed as a hero after taking it upon herself to breast-feed several infants who were separated from their mothers or orphaned by China’s devastating earthquake.

Police officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, was feeding nine babies at one point.

Officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, the mother of a 6-month-old boy, responded to the call of duty and the instincts of motherhood when the magnitude 7.9 quake struck on May 12.

“I am breast-feeding, so I can feed babies. I didn’t think of it much,” she said. “It is a mother’s reaction, and a basic duty as a police officer to help.”

OK, so not an attachment parenting topic, but still something worth sharing. The earthquake that struck caused many families to be torn apart in so many terrible ways. To see a woman step up and help children who were separated or orphaned from their mothers is a heroic act we should all applaud.

I  do not want to turn this into another formula verses breastfeeding fight. There are hundreds of infants still starving from lack of food, whether that food is breast milk or formula. In the horrors of the quake  many mothers have been able to feed their children themselves or been able to obtain clean water and proper formula.  That another mother would step in and do something so amazing should be above all of that.

Milk banks are one way any breastfeeding mother can be a hero also. These banks collect and store breast milk for babies who cannot be breastfed for a variety of reasons. There are milk banks in many countries across the world that help care for children by connecting nursing mothers to babies in need.

Some hospitals in China have milk banks already set up to collect milk donations. Spreading the word about the ability to help other babies in need is a great way to help other children affected by the quake. Even if you cannot help them donating milk to your local banks will children here in America who are unable to have the benefits of breast milk.

For more information on the quake in China and information on how to help visit the China Earthquake Relief page.

breastfeeding, China, earthquake, orphans

What do you think about bribing, rewarding, and treating your children for their actions?

There are two basic schools of thought on this. One says that bribing is fine and works, the other says that bribing is only a short term solution. I fall into the second category, though I have been guilty of bribing and rewarding my kids when need be. For instance getting dressed so we can get somewhere on time.

Like most people I was raised in a bribing and rewarding household. It was not until I was an adult that I even considered the notion that kids could, and would, do things without needing something in return. Though the concept seems logical as an adult, for instance I don’t get treats for doing the dishes, when dealing with children it becomes fuzzy.

It was on an Attachment Parenting board that I first was told about not bribing or rewarding kids. It seemed crazy at first, and I probably argued so at least in my head. Then I sat down with an open mind and listened to what they were saying, and it made sense. Bribing only does little good, and more often does further damage. Or in the words of Alfie Kohn:

“Rewards work!” many parents insist. But work to do what? And at what cost? The answer to the first question is that rewards, like punishments, are extremely effective at getting us one thing and one thing only: temporary obedience. What they can never do, however, is help children become responsible, ethical, decent people.

 

Studies conclude that rewards are ineffective. In the process of writing a book on the subject, I’ve found hundreds of studies showing that rewards are strikingly ineffective at producing lasting change in attitudes or behaviors. Once the rewards run out, people go right back to acting the way they did. And no wonder. Rewards don’t create an enduring commitment to any value or action; they merely change what we do.

For many parents finding their way towards AP ideas like this make sense. When we strive to give our children a solid foundation from which to grow with things such as co-sleeping and baby wearing why would we not also strive to build that foundation in other areas. I have a discussion going on right now on whether bribing works or not. Feel free to pop over and share your thoughts in the comments section, just do so politely please.

parenting, bribing, rewards, children, Alfie Kohn

I love getting my dose of sanity in my email box with The Daily Groove. Here’s the latest one that I’ve been reading over and over.

:: WWCD: What Would a Child Do? ::

A popular Christian slogan is “WWJD: What Would Jesus Do?” This is an excellent question for Christian parents to ask as Jesus honored children, promoted nonviolence, and embodied unconditional love.

Anyone you consider to be loving and wise can help you connect with your Inner Wisdom in this way:

* What would the Dalai Lama do?
* What would my great aunt Sally do?
* What would Mister Rogers do?
* What would my dog do? (Seriously!)

Another great source of wisdom is *children*, who constantly present us with opportunities to let go of limiting beliefs:

* A child would care more about feeling good than being “right.”
* A child would look for the FUN in every situation.
* A child would be open to miracles.
* A child would be authentic.

Today, include children’s wisdom in your decision-making by asking yourself, “What would a child do?”

So what would you child do when faced with various situations? How would they react to a struggle for something they really want, pressure to be something they are not, or dealing with someone different than them? Go back in time to the innocent toddler years before they were shaped and molded by their environment too much. The answer is most likely a simple one but it gets clouded over.

If you can’t imagine what your child would do why not just ask them? You might be surprised by what you can learn.

parenting

Jenny McCarthy has been one of the most outspoken Celeb moms on autism, since her own son was diagnosed in 2005. She has talked openly about her challenges when her son was diagnosed and her struggles towards a cure for her son’s condition. Though not everyone feels that autism is something that can be cured, Jenny’s son has made amazing improvements that seem to support her research.

With the recent ruling that vaccines attributed to Hannah Pollig’s autism Jenny spoke out again on autism and her son Evan for CNN.com. Through diet and detox Jenny was able to help her son recover and regain things that were lost to him before. But she feels that changes need to be made before instances of autism occur rather than trying to help the children recover later.

We believe autism is an environmental illness. Vaccines are not the only environmental trigger, but we do think they play a major role. If we are going to solve this problem and finally start to reverse the rate of autism, we need to consider changing the vaccine schedule, reducing the number of shots given and removing certain ingredients that could be toxic to some children.

We take into account that some children have reactions to medicines like penicillin, for example, yet when it comes to vaccines we are operating as if our kids have a universal tolerance for them. We are acting like ONE SIZE FITS ALL. That is, at the very least, a huge improbability.

To see a short clip of Jenny talking about her son, and fighting back some tears, visit here at Mom Logic. I would also recommend reading The Next Big Autism Bomb: Are 1 in 50 Kids Potentially At Risk? It is certainly something worth thinking about. Jenny will also be on Larry King Live tonight discussing autism. You can visit the site and vote in a poll on whether you feel vaccines are linked to autism.

Be sure to head over to Discussing Autism for more information and some great discussion on this topic. To keep the conversation going on check out her list of the best autism blogs and share with other people living with autism or an autistic child. Also head over to Momologue who is keeping the autism discussion going on all month. To see the list of who is joining her this month and toss your own hat into the ring visit here.

autism, curing autism, Jenny McCarthy

As The Business of Being Born has hit NetFlix more and more people are rushing to see it. I would love to give you a review, but I’m the only mom left without this movie service so I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.

But childbirth has popped up as a great topic among many AP moms. Amy shares her thoughts on women dying in childbirth, Peggy O’Mara wrote on birth resistance in Mothering magazine, and the always humorous Hathor has been pumping out some great cartoons on birth and those wonderful love hormones. Even though natural childbirth is a “requirement” for Attachment Parenting, it is still a topic that many feel connected to and love to discuss.

Mommy Think has a great article on the real debate of homebirth and the research surrounding it.

While some mothers are in heaven about seeing the movie, others feel more hesitant.  And other moms found themselves flooding tears over what they saw. The ranges of opinions and feelings on homebirth vary so much they are all worth reading for a broad view. There are some homebirthing parents who are anti-Attachment Parenting, and some who are finding their spouse or partner resistant to the idea. It is such a hot topic that everyone is weighing in their opinions.

Some even going so far as to claim that homebirthing makes you a better parent.

If you have seen the movie yet and have an opinion to share on either The Business of Being Born or homebirth in general I would love you to share. Leave a comment with your thoughts, or if you have already written a post on your own blog leave the link here so others and read it. I just ask that everyone stay respectful and rational.  Insultin, hateful, or belligerent comments will be deleted.

I read this post on Attachment parenting guilt and thought it deserved to be shared. Sometimes we have this ideal image in our minds of what we are supposed to be doing, an ideal that can lead to a whole lot of guilt and resentment when we fail to live up to our own expectations. We are just parents after all.

But one important point was mentioned in the comments. Family support. Here in the US we are isolated as we care for our kids. For stay at home moms they are usually the lone caregiver, expected to handle everything by themselves without breaking a sweat. It is an expectation that is really too much for any lone person to meet.

In many other cultures raising children is a family affair. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, they all live either with each other or extremely close. Families raise their children with their entire family. It is easier to give yourself so much to your child when you know that there are several close relatives a few steps away more than willing to step in and help. Instead of trying to care for your children in solitude you have a group effort.

I think this is important for parents who are struggling with Attachment parenting to know.  You cannot do this alone, despite what our culture suggests. If you do not have family near by willing and able to help find friends who can join you during the day. It benefits them as much as it does you as coming together helps care for all the children, and nurtures the mothers as well.

family, extended family, Attachment parenting, parenting, mothers

One part of Attachment Parenting is respecting our children and listening to their needs and wants. We hold our babies when they cry rather than assume they are trying to manipulate us, respecting that they have a legitimate need to be held and comforted. But that respect can sometimes wane as they get older, often without us even knowing it. We make comments that dismiss their feelings, ignore their needs because they don’t fit into what we think they should need.

“You don’t really mean that.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of”

To a young child these types of comments can be dismissive, brushing aside feelings that are very real to them simply because they are not real to us. When we tell a child who is deeply upset that there is really nothing to be upset about it is the same as ignoring a screaming baby who wants to be held because “he’s just trying to manipulate me”. We stop respecting them.

I’m just as guilty of it as anyone else. Sometimes I need a reminder that my thoughts and feelings are not my children’s thoughts and feelings,  that they can have fears and desires that might seem irrational to me but are still just as valid as mine. I received a reminder of this the other day  when  the Daily Groove  came in my email box. It was just the kind of thing I needed to read that day.

:: Truth Is Overrated ::

In a materialistic society, we form the habit of taking objective “truth” too seriously. One of the gifts of parenthood is that children give us an excuse to *relax* about objective truths and revive our natural appreciation of *felt* (subjective) truths.

When a five-year-old boy says, “I’m going to eat this *whole* watermelon right now!” he’s telling *his* truth for that moment. If his mother says, “Don’t be silly! That melon is twenty times the size of your stomach!” the richness of his heartfelt truth is lost to both of them.

Today, notice how you respond to your child’s “childish” statements. Put aside what you “know” and let yourself *feel* your child’s truth.

Enjoy the feeling of connection made possible by your willingness to share your child’s perspective… Now *that’s* power!

It is a habit that is hard to break out of, but worth trying to do. When you feel yourself about to respond stop and think about how they are feeling rather than how you feel. Something “not that bad” to you can really feel like the end of the world to a young child who has never had this experience before.

parenting, respect, children, feelings, attachment parenting

I don’t usually follow celebrity gossip but The turn around of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden with the birth of their little girl has been something I’ve watched a bit. My interest was really sparked when Nicole mentioned breastfeeding during an interview. Her comments, taken out of context at the time that I read them, made breastfeeding out to be a horrible burden. It was only later when I read them again in the context of her child having food sensitivities that I stopped scowling when her name came up.

“There’s just so much I can’t eat because she’s sensitive”, Nicole states. “I eat really bland [food] – chicken noodle soup, vegetables, fish. I had to cut out milk, no tomatoes, no lettuce. You think you have to cut everything out when you’re pregnant, but you really have to cut everything out when you’re breastfeeding”

Then I found another interview with the happy parents has started another debate on parenting. According to Joel he and Nicole are very opposite in parenting. She keeps Harlow on a schedule, while he admits to being the one who gets her out of the crib when she is crying. The comments section of Celebrity Baby went alive with people adding their thoughts to the ideas of spoiling a baby, wants verses needs, and self soothing in young infants. Here are a few of the comments: (more…)

This is a guest post from Sara of the Flutterby Gifts blog. You can check out her soaps and lotions at Flutterby Gifts.

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I will admit, I was the picture of consumerism when I first started my adult life. As I studied and grew my views on how I desired to live my life changed. I started dreaming of a farm and self sustainability. I started to wonder what I could rely on myself for instead of being a consumer. My family started to make their own meals, breads, yogurts and ice creams. I started to make my own clothes and felt good about my garden. Something that I had over looked was my bathroom. After all there is a plethora of plastics in the bathroom! Yet, it had escaped me and I the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was so used to going to the store to get my soap, and other bathroom goodies.

Then a friend of mine started reading a book on soap making. The pictures were so pretty, filled with colored and shaped soaps. I started to wonder, but I was so fond and even a little addicted to my shower gel. While in massage school we talked quite a bit about body products, what they do to the skin, what is in them, how they affect the skin and therefore the whole body. It was starting to sink in, I needed a change.

I’m a huge fan of anything that I can make with my own two hands, so I gave soap making a try. Not with the intent to use it myself, (again, I still disliked bar soap. I was just sure of it.) but to give away as gifts and whatnot. I made my first batch and I was hooked on the process. It was so much fun to watch the oils mix together, change consistency and become�soap! I started to research more about oils, what they do for skin and get more in-depth about how the process of soap making worked. I created my own recipe and when I tried it I learned that the bar soap I had known was not what I thought.

Most store bought bar soaps are actually a detergent and not a true “soap”. Soap is the process of mixing lye and oils together to create a chemical change turning the oils into solid, bubbly cleansing soap. A detergent is described as any non soap that uses surfactants and commercial cleaning products.

In one of my classes we were asked to look through our shower space and find the longest word on the bottles. Everyone came back with things we couldn’t pronounce, most of us couldn’t spell and no one in class knew what they were, or why there were going onto our body. (and thus, into our body)

I was sold. I did a large purge of all lotions, balms, detergents ect. that was in our bathroom. I enjoyed making soap, so why not practice what I preach. My skin is softer, my natural oils keep my moisturized and my environment is a happier place.

My soaps come from my kitchen, to my bathroom. There is no shipping process, no large factory and no packaging. Most of my soaps contain only natural colorants made from powdered herbs, and essential oils for fragrance. I have some that use fragrance oils instead of essential oils but well, we can�t all be perfect all of the time!

Bottom line is that there is always some small change, some little thing that you can do in your life to help the earth, be more self reliant and be better for your body.

Sources:

soap, lotion, natural products, natural living, DIY