Child-led weaning
Is child-led weaning right for you? I certainly didn’t start my nursing relationship with Bug thinking that I’d still be nursing him just weeks before his 4th birthday, but that’s how it turned out. The benefits to extended nursing are numerous and the reasons to use child-led weaning are outlined here.
My initial breastfeeding goal was to simply get through each day. By the time Bug was 6 months old I knew I could make it to a year. When he was around 10 months old, I read about the benefits of nursing a toddler and decided that I could nurse him until he was at least two. By the time he turned two, I was determined that he would decide when to stop nursing. When he was 3.5 I had a great desire to wean him. I created and read a story to him about a boy his age who weaned. Bug was not interested in doing what the little boy was doing, however. I continued to nurse him, at that point, about twice per day.
One day, two weeks before his 4th birthday, Bug nursed for the last time. I don’t what day it was, I only know that he never asked to nurse again. I was in my first trimester of pregnancy with Bean and I was still tandem nursing. It was easy for me because I was still nursing Bear and assumed he’d also nurse for 3-4 years. Imagine my surprise when he one day refused to nurse at only 27 months. I was in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy with Bean at the time. Even though I believe in child-led weaning I offered nursing to him several times before giving up. I couldn’t believe he’d stopped nursing so young.
After Bean was born, I knew I had at least two years of nursing left. Shockingly, Bean had a nursing strike at 15 months, and despite my efforts to continue the nursing relationship, he weaned. Child-led weaning was a huge challenge for me at that point. I felt (and still feel) he was too young to wean, but nothing I did worked when it came to encouraging him to nurse again. I have had to remind myself often that I practice child-led weaning and that means to me that the child decides when he or she is done nursing.
So, how do you feel about CLW? What are your experiences with CLW?
July 19th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
I did a large post about this in my site awhile ago - I am against breastfeeding past the age of 2. I don’t think its necessary and really don’t see the benefits of it. Yes, I’ve read all of the information, but remember: years ago they said that lying your baby in its belly was best, now they say back - give them a few years and they’ll say belly again.
July 19th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
I am a huge supporter in CLW. I think that if anyone truely has read the research on it there is no way they could say it is not beneficial.
July 19th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I’m a huge advocate of CLW.
My relationship w/ my daughter is proof of its value.
July 19th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Another huge advocate of CLW here! We’re at 15 months and going strong!
July 19th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I don’t need to read anything to know that CLW is the best. I don’t base my parenting on studies, I base it on my instincts. It’s pretty obvious that the human was designed to nurse and it’s pretty obvious that people who aren’t influenced by modern society nurse their children for a very long time. We are designed to do this. It’s not even a debate for me. It’s simply what makes sense.
July 19th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
forgot to add that my dd is 4.5, and is still nursing.
She nurses for only a couple seconds when she does nurse, and the frequency is slowly becoming less and less. Sometimes it is once a day, sometimes none. Sometimes it is 5.
I love that i am trusting in our relationship for it to end when she is ready.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
i definitely believe in nursing to the extent biology intended (which is referred to as “extended nursing,” but is really more like “not curtailed nursing”), which is around 5 or so (see kathy dettwyler’s research: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html).
but in practice in our culture, that’s tough. there are so many negatives imposed from outside the nursing relationship that even those of us who nurse in public freely and comfortably with our infants and toddlers, by the time age 3 and 4 rolls around we find ourselves mama-leading through distraction and postponement, and avoiding lifting the shirt to comfort the 4yo who falls off a swing the way we did when she was 2. so they learn to cope without, and are guided into earlier weaning than might happen otherwise.
and it’s hard to tell how much is “natural” and how much is culture. there is anthropological evidence for when (age) natural weaning happens, as in when was the last time, but no “field guide” per se for how it tapers off. we mamas get busy, and when my 2 or 3 or 4yo wants to nurse when the chores are stacked up, that newborn urgency isn’t there to get me to slow down and let dinner/laundry/phone calls wait, or be late to school/gymnastics/park play date. even with newborns, we are far from natural in our culture, since in nature our species is designed to nurse for a few minutes 40-odd times a day, not to tank up in the “mere” 8-12 nursings that overwhelm new moms (and leads to spitting up in our babies), since they are so unprepared for “so much” nursing, never much seeing it around them.
and even the clothes we wear makes it a bit of a production to stop and nurse, with bras and shirts to get out of the way, which are in their own way keeping our kids from remembering to nurse as they would in nature (most nursing mamas have probably experienced the post-shower-nursing-session, aka: “i saw mama naked and now i want to nurse!”).
so how do i know what is child led and what is mama led and what is culture leading BOTH of us?
so as it happened, i did mama-lead my firstborn, last nursing her at 3mos shy of age 5. i wanted to conceive the second, and was almost 40, so i started weaning (ie limiting her and postponing) her at 2ish, when she nursed 10 to 20 times/day. we nursed 2-3 times/day during my pregnancy, and tandemmed for 15mos after dd2 arrived (twice/day, then once/day…). i don’t know what the future holds for my second, she’s 2.5yo and has a bit of a tongue tie, so her latch always needs help and is less than comfortable. but when she says “can you nurse me mama?” and i say yes, she giggles with glee all the way to the couch, so i hope to have a year or 2 more before we’re done.
July 31st, 2007 at 6:56 pm
I think breastfeeding that long is more for the parent than the child. If I child can chew a steak doesnt that mean he doesnt need a few ounzes of breast milk? I cant see a 5 year old and a 5 month old having the same nutritional need. Thats just me though.