The Attached Mother

There can be a very fine line between discipline and abuse, a line that is crossed when spanking comes into play. Hitting, no matter what, should be considered child abuse. It is the act of an adult taking out their frustrations on someone much smaller, weaker, and emotionally unprepared. Even in the best circumstances it can be damaging to the child.

In Canada an anti-spanking bill has been passed by the Senate and is heading to the House of Commons. The bill is an attempt to remove a section of Canada’s criminal code that allows parents and caregivers to use “reasonable force” against their children. The problem is what exactly is reasonable force? Here ins the states a court ruled that it was reasonable parental disciple when a mother beat her son with an extension cord and left bruises. Clearly there is not one size fits all definition of what is reasonable and what is criminal.

There is an interesting article here discussing the anti-spanking bill and the differences between using force to hurt a child or to stop them from hurting themselves. For me the difference is between grabbing my child’s arm and pulling because they are touching something of mine or because they are running out into the street.

Corporal punishment is the use of physical force with the intention of causing a child to experience pain but not injury for the purposes of correction or control of the child’s behaviour.

The line between acceptable corporal punishment and dangerous physical abuse is usually drawn in the sand on a blustery day; there are no guidelines. Physical abuse is the infliction of physical injury through punching, kicking, beating, biting, burning, shaking or otherwise harming a child.

Whether a parent or caregiver did not intend to cause harm doesn’t make it more acceptable. In the end, it’s about one person asserting power over another and there’s nothing healthy in that dynamic.

There is another quote that I absolutely love, one that I wish more parents would think of when disciplining their children.

While immediate compliance is often what we’re after when we discipline, parents need to promote children’s ability to control their behaviour using internal controls because these are skills that are more important to long-term socialization.

We want children to behave well not because they don’t want to get hit, an external motivator, but because they have internalized socially appropriate ways of behaving. Knowing what the right way to behave is on the inside is enhanced by parental discipline strategies that use minimal parental power, promote choice and autonomy, and provide explanations for desirable behaviours.

In the end parents need to look honestly and completely at what they are doing when they choose to spank. What are they teaching their children about right and wrong? What are they teaching their children about power over and physical violence? And what are the long term possibilities.

spanking, abuse, Canada, anti-spanking bill