The Attached Mother

One part of Attachment Parenting is respecting our children and listening to their needs and wants. We hold our babies when they cry rather than assume they are trying to manipulate us, respecting that they have a legitimate need to be held and comforted. But that respect can sometimes wane as they get older, often without us even knowing it. We make comments that dismiss their feelings, ignore their needs because they don’t fit into what we think they should need.

“You don’t really mean that.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of”

To a young child these types of comments can be dismissive, brushing aside feelings that are very real to them simply because they are not real to us. When we tell a child who is deeply upset that there is really nothing to be upset about it is the same as ignoring a screaming baby who wants to be held because “he’s just trying to manipulate me”. We stop respecting them.

I’m just as guilty of it as anyone else. Sometimes I need a reminder that my thoughts and feelings are not my children’s thoughts and feelings,  that they can have fears and desires that might seem irrational to me but are still just as valid as mine. I received a reminder of this the other day  when  the Daily Groove  came in my email box. It was just the kind of thing I needed to read that day.

:: Truth Is Overrated ::

In a materialistic society, we form the habit of taking objective “truth” too seriously. One of the gifts of parenthood is that children give us an excuse to *relax* about objective truths and revive our natural appreciation of *felt* (subjective) truths.

When a five-year-old boy says, “I’m going to eat this *whole* watermelon right now!” he’s telling *his* truth for that moment. If his mother says, “Don’t be silly! That melon is twenty times the size of your stomach!” the richness of his heartfelt truth is lost to both of them.

Today, notice how you respond to your child’s “childish” statements. Put aside what you “know” and let yourself *feel* your child’s truth.

Enjoy the feeling of connection made possible by your willingness to share your child’s perspective… Now *that’s* power!

It is a habit that is hard to break out of, but worth trying to do. When you feel yourself about to respond stop and think about how they are feeling rather than how you feel. Something “not that bad” to you can really feel like the end of the world to a young child who has never had this experience before.

parenting, respect, children, feelings, attachment parenting