The Attached Mother

Last week my six year old came in from a soccer game and sat down at the computer.  I had already told him on the way into the house that it was time to eat dinner and then get ready for bed.  I reminded him that it was not computer time and that he needed to eat or get ready for a shower.  He replied with “Whatever.”  I walked over to turn the computer off and told him again that he needed to eat or take a shower.  He got up and said, “Blah, blah, blah.  Whatever!” and went to his room.  I took away computer privileges for the next day and we continued on with our evening.

Now, many gentle parents would say that what I did was punitive.  In fact, I do feel that it was.  I don’t feel that his behaviour (very typical six year old sassiness) should have gone uncorrected, but after much thought and the with the advice of several others moms who have been through this stage before I feel that I could have handled it differently.

I could have taken the  “Playful Parent” path.  Upon the first whatever I could have walked over to him and “hugged away the whatevers”.  He would have laughed and not felt threatened.  I should have taken that opportunity to remind him of the correct way to speak to others.

I could have asked him to “try again” and given him the correct words to say instead of “whatever”.

Because he did get off of the computer I don’t feel that taking away computer privileges was a good logical consequence. We have already discussed what will happen if he does not stop using the computer when “computer time” is over.  He has never given me a problem with stopping computer use at the right time.

The next day we talked about why I took away his computer privileges and about the correct way to talk to others.  I allowed him to use the computer and have not since had any problems with him speaking to me in that way.

I think sometimes parents feel threatened by the words or way or speaking that children might use.  Instead of taking the opportunity to teach them the correct way to do things, we are quick to dole out the punishment in order to prevent future issues.  It doesn’t work, though.

Be sure that you are modeling appropriate responses for your children.  The next day I found myself irritated by something on television and I muttered “Whatever” and turned the TV off.  It dawned on me that this was not the first time I’d done something similar.  Perhaps, between my behaviour, seeing his friends at school doing this and anything he might have picked up from a kids’ show on TV, he saw nothing wrong in replying with “whatever”.

This post is interesting!  I can’t wait for the follow up.  Fwiw, I agree.  Why can’t he write his own excuse?