The Attached Mother

My husband and I live an hour from our nearest relatives.  When I was a new mother, I had very few friends who were also mothers and of those friends none were of the attachment parenting mindset. Breastfeeding my first son proved to be extremely difficult and excruciatingly painful.  Not a day went by that I didn’t want to give up until at last we got it right around 12 weeks after we started.

Most of my information about breastfeeding was found online.  I knew that there was a breastfeeding support group at the hospital where my son was born, but I was too proud to admit that I was having such troubles.  Why?  Well, breastfeeding is natural and I felt like the problems we were having with latching were some indication that I was not a natural at mothering.  Only my husband knew my struggles and even that embarrassed me.

I think the same thing happens with attachment parenting moms, sometimes, too.  Attachment parenting can be difficult.  We assume that if we love our children enough we will live a zen-like existence with them, meeting their needs calmly and efficiently, speaking to them in sweet voices and marveling at their free spirit as they test boundaries over and over.

When the days inevitably do not flow well and frankly you feel like turning your back on your tantruming one year old telling your seven year old and four year old to fend for themselves and walking right out the door, you instead suffer through and end up feeling like a failure or a bad mother because you ever had such feelings in regards to your precious little ones.  We’ve all done it.  If you haven’t yet and you have more than one child, someday you will.

Many of us don’t want to admit that these days happen.  Many of us don’t want to admit that they happen often. I believe the reason for that is isolation.  Many stay at home moms are alone for most of the day with several young children. When they do get together with other moms, many are not of the attachment parenting mindset.

When an exhausted new mom needs sympathy about her 9 month old who is waking throughout the night, her non-AP friends will tell her to try CIO because it worked for them and little Johnny has been sleeping through the night since 2 months old!  That’s not what the AP mom needs.  She needs moms who share her beliefs and parenting practices and have been in similar situations with their own children.  She needs moms who can talk her through the frustration and promise her that is life on the other side of her particular issue.

Unfortunately I have not found a lot of local attachment parenting support even through my La Leche League group. You might have better luck in your area and should give it a try. Another place to find local attachment parenting moms is through Attachment Parenting International.  Look through the MeetUp.com groups, also.

Since most of my AP support has been found online here are my favorite online communities of AP moms:

Gentle Christian Mothers
Mothering
Earth-Mother-Child

Carnival of Sahms