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Support for attachment parenting

by Allison Goines

My husband and I live an hour from our nearest relatives.  When I was a new mother, I had very few friends who were also mothers and of those friends none were of the attachment parenting mindset. Breastfeeding my first son proved to be extremely difficult and excruciatingly painful.  Not a day went by that I didn’t want to give up until at last we got it right around 12 weeks after we started.

Most of my information about breastfeeding was found online.  I knew that there was a breastfeeding support group at the hospital where my son was born, but I was too proud to admit that I was having such troubles.  Why?  Well, breastfeeding is natural and I felt like the problems we were having with latching were some indication that I was not a natural at mothering.  Only my husband knew my struggles and even that embarrassed me.

I think the same thing happens with attachment parenting moms, sometimes, too.  Attachment parenting can be difficult.  We assume that if we love our children enough we will live a zen-like existence with them, meeting their needs calmly and efficiently, speaking to them in sweet voices and marveling at their free spirit as they test boundaries over and over.

When the days inevitably do not flow well and frankly you feel like turning your back on your tantruming one year old telling your seven year old and four year old to fend for themselves and walking right out the door, you instead suffer through and end up feeling like a failure or a bad mother because you ever had such feelings in regards to your precious little ones.  We’ve all done it.  If you haven’t yet and you have more than one child, someday you will.

Many of us don’t want to admit that these days happen.  Many of us don’t want to admit that they happen often. I believe the reason for that is isolation.  Many stay at home moms are alone for most of the day with several young children. When they do get together with other moms, many are not of the attachment parenting mindset.

When an exhausted new mom needs sympathy about her 9 month old who is waking throughout the night, her non-AP friends will tell her to try CIO because it worked for them and little Johnny has been sleeping through the night since 2 months old!  That’s not what the AP mom needs.  She needs moms who share her beliefs and parenting practices and have been in similar situations with their own children.  She needs moms who can talk her through the frustration and promise her that is life on the other side of her particular issue.

Unfortunately I have not found a lot of local attachment parenting support even through my La Leche League group. You might have better luck in your area and should give it a try. Another place to find local attachment parenting moms is through Attachment Parenting International.  Look through the MeetUp.com groups, also.

Since most of my AP support has been found online here are my favorite online communities of AP moms:

Gentle Christian Mothers
Mothering
Earth-Mother-Child

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Carnival of Sahms 


2 Responses to “Support for attachment parenting”

  1. Mom Is Teaching » Blog Archive » Taking A Little Me Time Says:

    [...] to drive me to frustration? How could I not just suck it up and deal with it? Basically I needed support and someone to help kick me in the butt for not taking a break [...]

  2. Jessica Says:

    I totally understand the frustration of not being heard or understood by other mothers who do not follow the A.P. practices. Over the last 14 months, friends who do not co-sleep, breastfeed, baby wear, or follow positive discipline have suggested C.I.O. when I share my experiences about a difficult night with my dd, the commitment and trials of extended breastfeeding, and how my dd naps only if her mom lays down with her.

    Fortunately I joined my local A.P.I. group, shared my practices with other moms (at least one friend turned out to be a closet co-sleep and was intuitively A.P.), and found like-minded moms at L.L.L. I continue to spend time with mainstream parents however I am more confident and close my ears to what I consider sometimes bad advice.

    Thank you for your post. I just wanted to share that there are certainly other mamas out there who are going through the exact same experiences.

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About The Attached Mother

The Attached Mother is about the real-life experiences of an attachment parenting mom. Allison writes about her parenting ideals such as co-sleeping, gentle discipline, child-led weaning, baby wearing and how she applies them with her three young sons.

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